Tuesday, November 8, 2011

My sincerest apologies.

So, I've done some things on this blog over the years that I need to apologize for. Things you shouldn't have been subjected to. Things I'm ashamed of.

I'd like to take a moment to apologize for them.

1. I apologize for the whining. Sweet baby Brangelina in a manger, do I know how to whine. I've tried not to write when I'm pre-menstrual, but I'm pretty much always pre-menstrual. Also, I should probably apologize for talking about the various stages of my menstrual cycle so often, but I'm not really sorry so I won't. (FYI: The bleeding just stopped and I'm entering the honeymoon phase where I lose 5 pounds in 2 days and don't hate anyone for a whole week.)

2. I apologize for having music on this blog for nearly two years. When I go to other blogs with music, I want to stab them in the face--even when it's someone I know and like. That's right, I'm talking to you. All of you. Your music makes me want to stab you. IN THE FACE.

3. I apologize for recommending Single Dad Laughing. He has a couple of really good, very powerful pieces. But when I started to read his blog regularly, I found that he is the embodiment of the word douchebag. He's like the Edward Cullen of blogging. Some women read his stuff and think he's the greatest guy to ever walk the planet and they fall at his feet and pay for his internet bills and want to have his babies. The rest of us start to see beyond the surface and understand he's really just a jerk face vampire. Errr...douche-y blogger.

4. I'm sorry for telling you that it's O.K. to talk about sex openly, that thigh high fishnets are perfectly appropriate church attire and that gay people should have the same right to marry as straight people. Oh wait. NO I'M NOT.

5. I apologize for not writing as much lately. I wish I could say it was because I was busy doing fabulous things that would make my life seem so much better than yours, but it's not. Unless reading in a bean bag chair all day with cats on your chest is more fabulous than your life. I've simply been out of ideas. I'm still out of ideas. I have the urge to write. I sit every day (in between the bean bag naps) and try, but nothing comes out. (Yes, I realize that sounds like I'm constipated. In a way, I kind of am. My brain needs an Ex-Lax.) Help me, internets. What do you want me to write about? I'm desperate, so It's pretty much guaranteed I'll write about whatever you want.

Within reason.

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