He said he loved me but he lied.

This e-mail was caught in my spam filter today.  Normally I just delete them, but the subject intrigued me enough to open it:

"DID YOU GIVE FUND TRANSFER AUTHORISATION TO MR.MICHAEL BOLTON?‏"

I don't think so, but who knows.  I've heard he can mesmerize the ladies with his ponytail.  It's entirely possible that I authorized it. In fact, it's as possible as receiving a typo-riddled e-mail from the Federal Reserve regarding an inheritance that Michael Bolton (and two of his buddies, apparently--I'm going with his hair dresser and Kenny G) is trying to withdraw with my forged consent.

Office of the Governor.
Federal  Reserve Bank
20th Street and Constitution Avenue,
NW Washington, DC  20551
Our ref:  FRB/Ohg/Oxd1/2012
Your ref:.........................
Payment: file: FRB/BX5/12.
 
Attn: Beneficiary,
 
Payment notification of your funds.
 
I am Mr Michael Morgan, the secretary to Mr.Williams Dudley;

one of the Directors of the Federal Reserve Bank  (FRB), 

the (parent bank of all commercial banks) here in United states.
 
I was instructed to initiate contact with you by my boss the Director,

Foreign Contol Unit of the Federal Reserve Bank  (FRB) on
an urgent issue, kindly note that your funds were re-called and re-deposited into 

the "federal suspense account" of the FRB last week, because you did not forward 

your information as instructed in the mail we send to you last 2 weeks.
 
My boss the Director of the Federal Reserve Bank  (FRB), was visited in his office 

by three gentlemen today, really these men were unexpected by him because their 

visit was impromptu. He ask them why they came to see him in person and they said 

that they came to collect the inheritance/contract funds bill  which rightfully 

belongs to you as shown in your file with us, on your behalf and by your 

authorization.
 
Note that they actually tendered some vital documents which proved that you 

actually sent them for the collection of these funds. The list of the documents 

which was tendered to the bank today are:
 
1. Letter of administration.
2. High court injunction.
3. Order to release.
 
Due to the nature of his job, he cannot afford to make any mistake in releasing 

these funds to anyone except you who is the recognized true beneficiary to these 

funds.
 
My boss asked the men to come back tomorrow so he can verify this fact from you 

first.Kindly clarify us on this issue before we make this payment to these 

foreigners whom came on your behalf.
 
Kindly direct your response to the private email address of my boss,

Mr.Williams Dudley, the Director,Federal Reserve Bank  (FRB), below for quicker 

deliberation and response from him on the release of your funds to you.
 
Please remember to contact the bank Lawyer Mrs. Janet Swing and indicate a phone 

number so she can instruct you on how to make claim. Private Email: 

janetswing512@aol.com Note that for security reasons you have been assigned a 

code/password which is {TT7270FRB},please note that this code is the reference 

number for your transfer and it's being disclosed to you alone, guard this 

jealously and all your email response should carry this code as the subject.
 
Yours faithfully,
Mr. Michael Morgan.

"Guard this jealously" is going to be my new motto.

Also, fun trivia fact:  Michael Bolton used to live on the same street as the house where my mother worked as a private nurse.  I've seen the man doing his early morning jog in Richard Simmons-esque shorts, ponytail trailing behind him.  It's been more than 20 years and the image is still burned into my mind.