We aren't supposed to talk about the bloody mole, but there's a bloody mole winking me in the face. I want to c-u-u-t it off, ch-o-o-p it off, and make guacamole.

(1000 points if you can name that movie.)

So, internets, some things happened while I was on my blogging hiatus. For one thing, we got a new kitten who I'm pretty sure is one of Satan's minions, if not Satan himself.  But that's a post for another day.  Another thing that happened is that I finally saw a dermatologist who thinks that my face moles are totally removable if done by a good plastic surgeon.

This is a big deal for me.

Meet Bertha, Beulah, and Brunhilda. 

(Tangent Side note: Why is it that what I see in the mirror isn't anything like what I see in pictures of myself?  Is it like hearing a recording of your own voice?  When I look in the mirror I'm pretty sure I'm about 15 years younger, had several more hours of sleep, have an actual top lip, and pregnancy did not do such terrible things to my nose.)

I despise these moles.  I've had them for at least 20 years, if not longer.  And they've gotten larger with age.  Whenever I see a dermatologist (which is fairly often because of the Not-a-Tumor), I ask about getting them removed.  And every single time I get told the same thing.  "Well, I could shave them off, but that type of mole tends to grow back darker and larger than before." And then they refer me to the one between my boobs that I had removed that did, in fact, grow back darker (although smaller and flatter.)

Recently I saw a new dermatologist, so I asked again.  He looked and poked and prodded and looked at the one between my boobs for comparison and then looked and poked and prodded some more. 

Then he said the words that made me want to sing with joy.  "I don't think I can remove them with very good results, but I think if you see a plastic surgeon, they can be removed with minimal scarring and regrowth."

Two days later I saw a plastic surgeon and he confirmed what the dermatologist said.  And internets, TODAY IS THE DAY.  In three hours these suckers will be GONE. 

I'm a little nervous.  I mean, I'm having three holes cut into my face. One wrong move and moles could be the least of my worries.  But it's a pretty straight forward procedure, so I'm trying to be calm. 

I'm also trying to imagine a life without giant face moles and I can't.  I mean, what is it like to not have little kids ask you what those things on your face are every time you go out in public?

I'll keep you posted, internets, and when the incisions heal you know I'll post after pictures. 

Hmmm...now I'm wondering if I should ask to keep them in a jar?