Thursday, July 29, 2010

Not this week, lady.

So, as a rule of thumb, I have to constantly restrain myself from punching stupid people in the face.

Sometimes, though, the urge is so strong that it's a good thing the stupid person I'm dealing with is on the other end of the phone line and not in the same room.

Consider the following facts:

Fact: Adoption papers can be used in lieu of a birth certificate in any legal situation.

Fact: Ben does not have a birth certificate. Only adoption papers.

Fact: He has obtained a social security card, a passport, and has been enrolled in five schools in three states and two countries using adoption papers in lieu of a birth certificate with no problem.

Fact: I came home from the store last night with super plus tampons, overnight pads, Nutella and Andy Capp Hot Fries (you do the math).

Now imagine that you're me, and you're lying on your bed nursing a menstrual migraine when the phone rings. It's the guidance counselor from Ben's new school. She informs you that you cannot register Ben for school without a birth certificate. You calmly and politely explain that there is no birth certificate. There never has been. His original birth certificate is sealed, and we never bothered getting a secondary birth certificate because I think it's kind of dumb to have a birth certificate that makes it appear that Will and I are his birth parents when Ben, and everyone else, is well aware that we are not (and again, it was unnecessary because adoption papers are the legal freakin' equivalent!).

The guidance counselor responds that she'll have to bring it to the school board, because a birth certificate is a must, and in the mean time she will not register him. (And school starts in 8 days).

You'd be furious, right? I mean on a regular day you might not be furious, maybe just annoyed. But remember--Tampons, Nutella and hot fries!

So, I'm furious.

I could call the county clerk in Utah and go through the hassle of obtaining a secondary birth certificate, but now it's about the principle. So, I will not. The school will accept his adoption papers, as they are legally obligated to do, even if I have to involve a lawyer.

Hell hath no fury like a woman in need of Nutella and hot fries.

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