Monday, January 17, 2011

Just in case they really DO read my blog.

(So, internets, Will is leaving really soon. I can't say exactly when because as we all know, the terrorists read my blog and they might use the information against us. Lets just say we're down to counting hours. Anyway, I don't know if you've ever felt like you were suppressing a complete and total emotional breakdown 24/7, but that's kind of what it's like here right now. So, I probably won't be posting for a bit.
As always, if any of you would like to guest post, send it to me at the address over there--->.)

Dear Al-Qaeda Insurgents,

First, thanks for stopping by the blog! Welcome! Take a few minutes to look around and read some old posts. Just maybe avoid that one about the YMCA pool. It might upset you and I don't need my minivan blown up in parking lot of Wal-Mart.

Anyway, the main reason I'm writing is because pretty soon my husband will be visiting your lovely country, and I was wondering if maybe you could not kill him? I know that technically he's going there to help people obliterate you from the face of the Earth, but it's nothing personal. Honestly. We just needed the health care coverage. He's just the guy keeping the communication systems working. You know, "don't kill the messenger" and all that.

As an added incentive, upon his safe return in one year I will send you a basket of homemade mini muffins. I mean, who can resist a muffin basket? They're really good. Lemon-poppy seed is my specialty. Poppy seeds are a big thing in your country! See? I totally embrace your culture. Well, minus the whole wiping your butt with your hand thing. I'm not down with that. But you know, baby steps.

So, anyway, if you could maybe lay off the rockets, improvised explosive devices and suicide bombers for the next year, I'd really appreciate it.

Thanks a bunch!


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