Tuesday, May 22, 2012

I'm not fat, I'm just big uterused.

So, the microwaving of my uterus went surprisingly well.

To be honest, by the time they wheeled me into the OR, I was convinced I'd wake up minus a leg or something.  The doctor had scheduled me for several procedures I wasn't actually having, and even though they seemed to have gotten it straight long before the surgery, I was worried.

Also, seeing this on the wall next to the pre-op bed wasn't very reassuring.

Click to embiggen

If my surgeon needs a pictogram to know how to make sure he's cutting the right part open, perhaps surgery isn't the right field for him.  Just a thought.

And I still haven't figured out number four.  What does the maniacally smiling guy mean? 

Anyway, as far as I know they only did the procedure they were supposed to do.  Worst case scenario is that they also tied my already tied fallopian tubes. 

Even though the procedure only takes about fifteen minutes, they use general anesthesia.  I don't do so well when I wake up from it.

It's always a mystery what I'll be doing when I wake up.  This time it was crying.  I woke up sobbing and thrashing.  They kept asking me what was wrong and I just kept saying I didn't know.  I really didn't.  Five minutes and a hit of morphine later, I was fine.  Loopy, but fine.

Apparently the doctor came in to talk to me right after the shot of morphine.  I don't remember this.  However the nurses told me that I told him I was really sorry he was stuck at the hospital microwaving my uterus on his birthday. See?  I'm always thinking of others.

What I do remember is that when he came back in later after I was more coherent, he told me that I have an extremely large uterus. 

What does one say to that?  Thank you?

Anyway, I went home and spent the weekend throwing up (anesthesia--the gift that keeps on giving) and sending out narcotics fueled texts (Percoset--also the gift that keeps on giving.)

Hopefully it will all be worth it.  We'll see in about three months.

Speaking of vaginas (we totally were), I only received TWO submissions for the giveaway.  So, I'm extending it through the end of June.  If you have no idea what I'm talking about, click HERE

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