Tuesday, May 15, 2012

It's a party and you're all invited! I'll bring the popcorn!

Lasers and balloons!

So, today is the day I get pumped full of iron and other people's blood.  Apparently, it's also the day the iron could kill me. 

You guys know what to do if that happens.  I'm counting on you. 

I actually have a medical procedure every day this week except Friday.  Most of them involve my vagina in some way.

Thursday is the uterine ablation. I was initially told that it involved lasers and balloons.  I was kind of excited, because what isn't exciting about lasers and balloons in your lady bits?  It's all the elements of a really awesome party.  IN YOUR UTERUS!  But after more research I realized that they'll actually insert an expandable microwave radio antenna into my uterus and essentially microwave my endometrium like a left over pork chop.  I'm not even kidding.  Maybe they could pop some popcorn in there while they're at it.  Human Jiffy-Pop!

Anyway, I have to take a pill tonight and tomorrow to soften my cervix.  First, the pills are also used for abortions, so now I'm paranoid about what the pharmacy people think of me. I wanted to loudly tell them all that there was definitely NO bun in this oven (but if they checked back on Thursday, there may be popcorn). Second, one of the warnings read, "In extremely rare instances,  portions of the cervical tissue may become detached from the cervix."  So now I'm worried about leaving a trail of cervix wherever I go for the next 48 hours.

"Excuse me m'am, you dropped something."
"Oh, thanks.  It's my cervix."

So anyway, my point is that posting may be scarce for the next week or so, but I have a good reason for it.

In the meantime, don't forget to send me your knitted cowl yarn vagina pictures.  Oooh--maybe someone could put one in the microwave and take a picture in my honor! 

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