I'm officially canceling my birthday.

I should have stopped having birthdays after this one.
I mean, once you've table danced topless and gotten a Cinderella cake,
it can only go downhill, right?
Also, that was probably the last birthday I didn't have droopy boobs.

So, yet again, my birthday kind of sucked. And I'm not even talking about the whole Elvis thing.

Will has never been great about doing anything special for birthdays. Or anniversaries. Or Mother's day. Or Christmas. But he's pretty much just stopped even trying. I used to at least get a card (that was bought hastily the night before), but he doesn't even bother with that anymore.

I thought maybe that he'd at least take pity on me and get up and feed the kids breakfast at 6:00 since he doesn't have to leave for work until 8:30. But no. He was still drooling on the pillow long after I'd woken the kids, made sure they were dressed and had fixed them all breakfast.

And I told him exactly what I wanted this year (which is the only way I'll ever get a gift from him). I wanted him to pre-order Mockingjay for me. How hard is it to go to Amazon.com and order a book? Apparently, very, very hard. Taxing. Exhausting even. That's the only reason that I can think of that he didn't do it until I bugged him about it yesterday*.

So anyway, the boys left for school and I loaded Amelia up and went on my daily five mile walk. I was all the way at the very end of the trail when my phone rang. It was Liam's principal. Liam had been suspended and I needed to come get him. So, I had to run the two and a half miles back to the van. I pretty much thought I was going to die by the end. I'm not cut out for running.

I get to the school and learn that not only has he been suspended (this was the third time I'd had to go get him early because of his behavior since school started last week), but that next time it would be expulsion. As in, we'd have to pay for private school, or I'd have to home school him, or he'd just live out his life with only a kindergarten education (the most likely scenario).

And then, I get home with the juvenile delinquent and discover that I started my period 9 days early.

Happy freakin' birthday to me.

Also? 35 29 is old. None of my previous birthdays bothered me. But this one? This one makes me feel ancient. I'm on the downhill stretch to 40. I'm half of 70. I know it's not old. I know 40 isn't even old. But I'm feeling kind of geriatric this week.

35 is the new 25, right?

RIGHT?


*Will is insisting that I tell you that he took me to lunch today. Yes. He took me to lunch today. Because I said, "You're taking me to lunch at an Indian restaurant I found, and you'll probably hate it [which he did], but that's what we're doing." It wasn't like he suggested taking me to lunch. Had I not planned it myself, we'd have stayed home and I'd have had a frozen chimichanga for lunch.