Friday, May 20, 2011

It's the end of the world as we know it. And I feel fine.

In case you haven't heard, the world is ending tomorrow evening. I wish I'd known sooner. I wouldn't have bothered cleaning my bathrooms or shaving my legs.

Since we'll all either be taken up in The Rapture or destroyed in the apocalypse in the next 30-ish hours, I'd like to take this opportunity to say a few things. Clear the air...maybe burn some bridges.

1. I don't really give a flying crap what annoys you about people's Facebook posts. If I annoy you, unfriend me. I'm writing what I want. You know what annoys me? Rants about what you find annoying about Facebook posts.

2. Compete in triathlons, marathons, etc... because you enjoy it, not because it's what the "cool" people are doing.

3. Teaching primary at church is my own personal weekly hell.

4. You're not saving any money with that coupon if it's for something you wouldn't have bought in the first place.

5. I'll judge you for your dirty kitchen. Clutter and messes are totally excusable-- they happen to everyone except me, but there's no excuse for filth. It's gross. Get off the computer and clean it up.

6. Bennett--I volunteer to be your third if the whole church thing doesn't work out.

7. I've had two doctors suggest that I likely have a mild form of Asperger's Syndrome. I haven't really discussed it much because I lead a (mostly) normal life. Knowing that I may have it hasn't changed anything about me or how I live (I'm just as socially inept and likely to miss sarcasm as always). Also, I see parents with children who have it and the daily struggle they face. I don't want to diminish what they deal with by blathering on about how I have it when I don't have the same struggle. It would be like the Americans living on military installations in Japan that I've been hearing putting themselves in the same category as the Japanese people who lost everything, including loved ones. Sure, they lived through the same disaster, but the experiences can't be compared.

8. I still think that gays should be allowed to marry, and that as long as churches aren't forced to perform the marriages against their will, then churches need to keep their noses (and tax exempt money) out of the legal battle. I think that if you think a gay couple getting married somehow diminishes your heterosexual marriage, you're an idiot. Personally, I think Liza Minnelli's marriage to David Guest was an abomination, but it didn't affect the sanctity of the vows I personally made.

9. Speaking of being gay, Ryan Seacrest: It's time to stop living a lie.

10. Friends don't let friends wear hipster glasses.

Happy Rapture, internets. More than likely I'll be struck down by brimstone (see number eight). It's been nice knowing you.

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