Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Queen of the backhanded compliment.

Don't let her sweetness fool you.

Amelia, at the tender age of five, has mastered the art of the backhanded compliment. Her only saving grace is that she isn't deliberately trying to leave my ego in a shattered mess. She'll save that for when she's 15 and hates me.

Here are a few of her latest ego-busting observations:

  • "Your hugs are so much softer now that you're fatter."
  • "It's great that that big hair on your chin is white, because it makes it hard to see."
  • "You cook the most wonderfulest food ever, even though it always makes me throw up in my mouth."
  • "You look like just like a famous person--Justin Bieber's grandma!"
  • "Your voice is like an angel...who has a sore throat."
  • "That polish on your toe nails is beautiful! It makes your feet look normal."
  • "I don't miss Ms. Hall [her kindergarten teacher] because you look just like her!" [Ms. Hall is in her late sixties, and looks it.]
  • "Mmmmm! What is that delicious smell like hot dogs? Mom, I think it's your breath!"
  • [While looking at a picture of the Earth from outer space] "It's so beautiful. It's kind of like your legs--all white and blue swirls."
  • "You have whiskers like the cats!"

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Be nice or I'll punch you in the taco.