Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Things you probably didn't want to know for $200, Alex.

FYI: If you do a Google image search for "tampons and boobs," THIS is what you get.





1. I completely emptied my purse today for the first time in about a year. You guys, guess what I found in the bottom of my "lady emergency" pocket? Two O.B. Ultra tampons! The ones with the purple label! The ones they discontinued! The ones that hold roughly a gallon of fluid!



You know how it's kind of exciting to get out your winter coat for the first time in forever and find a wadded up $20 in the pocket? This was like that, except it was like finding ten wadded up hundred dollar bills instead.



I'm going to squirrel those babies away until I really need them. Like a cross country flight on day two or something.



I know. All the men who read this are thinking,"Day two? What does that even mean? " Boys, I say to you: Why are you even still reading this blog? You do realize I wrote about nothing but my menstrual cycle for nearly a month once, right? That my one (failed) shot at fame was over my hard hitting expose' on a tampon shortage?



2.
I have to supplement protein. It's just part of the deal with gastric bypass surgery. I normally use whey protein supplements because they're the best for you (Well, maybe not for you specifically. I mean, maybe you're lactose intolerant. But best for someone who can't absorb protein very well and is not lactose intolerant).



Anyway, the whey supplements have been making me sick lately, so I switched over to soy protein supplements about a month ago.



I've gone up three cup sizes since then. (Again, men: Why are you even still here? No, I'm not talking about the size of the vessel in which I place my soy protein shake.)



It's like I'm breast feeding quadruplets. It's disturbing. I'm sure part of it is due to the I'm-not-telling-you-how-many pounds I've gained lately (eff you, thyroid), but not all of it. I had read that excess soy in your diet can sometimes enhance one's natural boobaliciousness (Men: That goes for you, too. Put down the edamame), but this is kind of ridiculous. I can barely even put my arms down, and forget button up shirts.



So, I can go back to the whey and experience daily bouts of explosive diarrhea (What? I warned you. Read the title), or I can walk around looking like Christina Hendricks minus the flawless skin, small waist, full lips and successful acting career.



Decisions, decisions.



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  3. فکر میکنم زیباترین مطبی بود که خوندم.

    هدف ما در تیم دو سوت تعمیر همیشه حفظ رضایتمندی مشتری و تعمیر تمامی لوازم خانگی در حضور مشتریان، بدون جابجایی لوازم خانگی بوده و با عنایت حق، با افتخار دارا بودن ۱۰۰% رضایتمندی مشتریان تا به اینجا به این مهم دست یافتیم.

    کافیست فقط یک بار با کارشناسان شرکت دو سوت تعمیر تماس بگیرید تا از تفاوت در نوع خدمت رسانی و سرویس دهی آنی سرویس مطلع و برای همیشه یکی از مشتریان راضی ما شوید.

    اگر لوازم خانگی شما نیاز به تعمیرات دارد، همین حالا فرم مشاوره رایگان تعمیرات لوازم خانگی را پر کنید، کارشناسان ما در کوتاهترین زمان ممکن با شما تماس خواهند گرفت.

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  4. مرکز تخصصی تعمیر من در سال 1400 تأسیس شد و راه حل های تهویه مطبوع را در بیش از 300 مکان به صاحبان خانه در سراسر ایالات متحده ارائه می دهد.

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  5. بسیار پست با کیفیتی بود.

    در صورت نیاز به خدمات طراحی گرافیک، تبلیغات و یا طراحی و توسعه می توانید به شرکت ریوال ایجسنی اعتماد کنید.

    تیم ریوال با سابقه ای درخشان و با در اختیار داشتن کادری مجرب و حرفه ای در عرصه گرافیک و تبلیغات آماده همکاری با شرکت های داخلی و خارجی می باشد.

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