I've got this one in the bag.

So, this was in my mail box today.

Addressed to me.

Really, click on it and read it. It's worth your time--at least the first three paragraphs.

(Click to enlarge. You can click it again to make it even bigger.)

Guys, I think I can win this. I mean, I have at least 18 years on all the other contestants. And there's no swimsuit competition, so that gives me a leg up right there.

It's totally judged on poise, personality and confidence. How could I lose?

I am the epitome of poise, personality and confidence.

I mean, I know I could at least do better than she did.