Thursday, September 1, 2011

Could be hormones, could just be that you're a jerk.

So, I've had a bad couple of days, internets. I should warn you upfront that this is pretty much just going to be a premenstrual pity party.

I feel kind of picked on this week. Like the kid at school whose friends suddenly turn on them and start stealing their lunch money and giving them wedgies. Except that instead of school it's Facebook. And instead of wedgies it's judge-y private messages.

I know. I'm going to be that person who whines about people being mean to them on Facebook. It's O.K. if you want to leave now.

First, I commented on a friend's picture. The comment was mildly insulting, but it was a joke. It's just how it goes--I insult her, she says something to make me feel sexually uncomfortable and it all works out in the end. She knows I'd give her one of my kids' kidneys if she needed one (What? I need mine). But a well-meaning mutual friend messaged me and chastised me for being cruel and questioned why this person remained my friend.

Which then made me question if my friend really did know I was kidding. Sometimes I can be really oblivious. If this random person who doesn't really talk to either of us thinks I'm mean, maybe I am. So I asked. She knew I was kidding. It was all fine. And then she made me feel sexually uncomfortable again. (Not really, but I'm sure it's coming.) (That's what she said.) (Sorry.)

But I stayed annoyed about it. I was annoyed that this person stuck her nose in my business, but more annoyed that I let it make me doubt myself.

Then yesterday I posted about an incident with Ben. The incident doesn't matter. It wasn't a huge deal--I just wanted to know if my reaction was warranted. Through the course of the comments I said something that was apparently akin to sacrificing puppies in a pagan ritual.

I came home from running errands to find several messages from people telling me I was a bad, bad person. I don't love God and I'm selfish and really, I shouldn't be allowed to breathe their air.

You should probably know that this was about cleaning a church bathroom. So, yeah. Not helping to clean the public bathrooms once a month is right up there with, I don't know...murder or not liking Jell-O.

(And there's no need to comment on church bathroom cleaning policies. It's not about that. I was just making a point about how trivial a thing it was that caused so many mean spirited messages.)

The thing with Facebook is that these are friends. I don't randomly friend people for the sake of friending them. In fact, I almost never send friend requests (so if you've gotten one from me, consider yourself special because it meant I liked you enough to put aside my social anxiety and fear of rejection to send the request. Usually I just sit back and hope people send me a request).

I get nasty e-mails ALL THE TIME from this blog, but they rarely bother me. They're strangers, and more often than not, they're commenting on something I cared about two years ago but that they just barely found and read.

But the messages I got on Facebook were from people I know. People I kind of like. So it sucked a lot more.

And I know that people think it's better to send a private message when they have an issue with you. Normally I might agree. But sometimes I wish people would air their grievances publicly in the comments so that everyone else could see what jack-wagons they are.

Oh, and as the final cherry on top of the self esteem crushing sundae Facebook has been this week, I discovered that several family members have un-friended me. I went to send one a message to ask about a recipe and discovered we were no longer friends. I know sometimes Facebook does weird things and it could have been unintentional. But then I noticed that that whole branch of my family tree had un-friended me. Nice. I know who's off the Christmas card list this year. Sucks to be them, because my Christmas cards are going to be awesome this year.

I should wrap this up with some sort of resolution to stay of Facebook or how I'm not going to let jerks on my friend list get me down, I wasn't really going anywhere with this.

I just wanted to vent. Sorry.

(That's what he said!)

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