Love Letters from a Sister Wife

(So, OF COURSE when I write a post that's mainly pictures, Blogspot goes crazy and turns half of them sideways. And yes, it really is Blogspot, not me. Sorry. Just tilt your head. Also, I may or may not be under the influence of prescription narcotics, so I can't make any promises as to the coherency of the following post.)

I have good friends, internets. I really do. They listen to me whine. They tell me to knock the whining off when it gets out of hand. They sext me when I'm lonely. They'll judge people with me while simultaneously helping me maintain the delusion that I never judge people. And sometimes they send me random packages of things that make me furiously happy. Hand knitted scarves in my favorite color. A whole collection of dashboard Hula girls (and boys). Bacon band aids. And this week, I got this:

A card (addressed to "a muff-tastic friend"), Nutella, a cheesy Christmas porn romance novel, a Twilight calendar, and a sharpie for defacing said calendar.


Let's start with that card.

(Name removed to protect the bi-curious.)

And because she went through the trouble of sending it, the least I could do was follow through with her instructions.

(The Edwardian boobies were a special request.)

A little classic vandalism.

Sometimes vandalism is unnecessary. I haven't decided if the intent of this picture is to make me hot for this guy, or afraid of his vampire ways. Either way, the only response it gives me is laughter.

I seeeeeeeee youuuuuuuuuuu.

I always thought this guy (Carl? Carrington? The doctor.) looked like a girl. I decided to make it official.

And internets? You need to go find that porn romance novel and read it immediately. Here are a couple of selections from it, in case you don't believe that it's worth your time:

"I smelled like horse. Some women like it, but I wasn't sure if Lacey was that kind of woman."

And,

"That kiss set my panties on fire, which is a dangerous thing because nylon is highly flammable."

LITERARY GOLD.