Monday, January 2, 2012

The Five Love Languages of Brandi

With the exception of my husband and kids, I'm not very good at expressing (or receiving) affection. It's not that I don't feel it--I do. I just don't know what to do with it. I'm not a hugger. Compliments, even when I really mean them, feel awkward. And coming right out and saying how I feel about someone just makes me feel ooky and uncomfortable and paralyzes me with anxiety.

If you're not an immediate family member and I've ever hugged you, sincerely complimented you, or said anything remotely close to "I like you and I think you're great," then you can be pretty certain I'd give you a kidney if you needed one. I like my kidneys, so that's a big deal.

But besides those very rare occurrences of blatant affection, there are other ways that I show I like you. You just might not realize it.

1. Texting: I text you without a specific purpose. Setting up a play date via text doesn't mean I like you. Texting you that I'm contemplating homicide and need you to either talk me out of it or be my accomplice does. (Extra affection points if we've ever come close to sexting.)

2. Facebook: If I like your statuses or comment on them, it means I like you enough that I haven't hidden your posts. If I've gone the extra mile and posted something on your wall (Happy Birthday not withstanding), I obviously think you're extra special. If we belong to more than one mutual secret or closed Facebook group, odds are pretty good I'd consider taking a bullet for you. Maybe.

3. Blogging: I read your blog/comment on your blog/have your blog in my blogroll/have blogged about you. Any of them qualify. The more categories you fall into, the more I like you.

4. Insults: If I have ever insulted you to your face, obviously I love you. If I don't like you, I do it behind your back. On that same note, if I have ever bitched about someone to you, you can be certain I haven't bitched about you to someone else. I do have some standards.

5. Secrets: In many ways I'm an open book. (Hi! I started my period yesterday! The cramps are intense and the clots are golf ball sized!), but in many other ways I'm fiercely private. If you know things about me that I haven't shared with the general public, that's pretty much the equivalent of me giving you a full bodied hug accompanied by an open mouthed kiss. The more you know, the more tongue down your throat.

So there you have it. The jig is up. I'm not the feelingless, heartless robot you thought I was. And if you ever question if I really like you, now you know all you have to do is look at Facebook. Each of those thumbs-up is like a tiny hug from me to you.

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Be nice or I'll punch you in the taco.