Last Requests

O.K., so tomorrow is my surgery. In the off chance that the worst happens and I don't make it off the operating table, I have a few final requests.

I didn't have time to go to Legal and fill out a living will, so I figure that posting it here, making you all my witnesses, is good enough.

First and foremost, DO NOT let Will bury me in Evanston, Wyoming. We've discussed what would happen if either of us died in the near future and this is his plan: He would bury me in Evanston, get out of the army and move somewhere in or around Evanston, and he and the kids would come visit my grave faithfully.

Do not want.

Here's what would actually happen: He would get out of the army and move back to Evanston. Then he would start dating before I'm even cold in the ground and would be remarried in a year or so. He and the new wife will go off somewhere and live out the rest of their lives. Of course he'll want to be buried with her--they will have been married for 50 years, while he'd only been married to me for 11 and a half. And of course she won't want to be buried with the first (and best) wife. So where does that leave me? Dead and alone in friggin' Evanston, Wyoming. A place I hate with all of my being. I do not want the first thing I see on Resurrection Morning to be the back of the Maverick gas station. Or sage brush. Or trailers.

Bury me in Maine. Preferably in Georgetown.

Want.

Second, I would like Eva Cassidy's version of Fields of Gold to be played at my funeral. If that means it can't be held in an LDS chrch, so be it. I would also like some dirty or off color jokes to be added into my eulogy. And my obituary. And speaking of the obituary, please use a picture of Angelina Jolie. Also--and this is really important--I want there to be a big party after the funeral. Pizza, ice cream sundaes, karaoke, a DJ...you name it. You have my permission to laugh and have fun even though I'm dead.

Third, I would like Amelia to have my wedding ring when she's 21 (or when she gets married--whichever comes first). Unless she grows up to be a crack head or something and will just pawn it so she can buy a pack of smokes and oxycontin. Use your best judgement.



Hopefully I'll be home by Friday and you won't be subpoenaed when Will tries to bury me in Evanston.

Wish me luck!

You like me! You really like me!

Those of you dropping by for the family update--bear with me a minute. It'll come at the end.

So, first of all--this is my 100th post. Yay me!

Second of all, it is Bloggie Award nomination time. I have been nominated for a few of the categories--best humor blog, best writing, best new blog, best kept secret and blog of the year.

Do I actually believe this blog is worthy of any of those? Heck no, but that's not going to stop me from begging for your votes.



So, here's what I want you to do. Click HERE. Then follow the directions. One of the requirements is that you nominate three different blogs (they can all be for the same category or different categories). If you need some suggestions, take a look at my blog list over there --------->.
The Food Pornographer is a great food blog AND a great Australian blog. Pioneer Woman can be nominated for food, photography, humor, writing...you name it. Anthony Bourdain falls under both food and travel blogs.

So, go vote! Now!!!

O.K., now onto the family update.

It's been a pretty slow week. Amelia became an official Sunbeam today. No more nursery for the Douglasses. Will spent nearly 7 hours raking our back yard. We have a mountain of leaves for the trash guys, yet the yard looks like it's never seen a rake. I finally got the master bedroom and bathroom totally unpacked and decorated. I wanted to get the main bathroom counter retiled, but that's not going to happen for awhile. Mostly we've just been really lazy. We've played a lot of Wii.

Mario Kart = Awesome Family Fun

Oh, and Will and I are so ready for school to start up again tomorrow you don't even know. I think they should make it one week, not 2. Two weeks off school during the rainy season is cruel and unusual punishment for the parents.

The biggest thing going on is that my surgery is on Tuesday. There will be more on that tomorrow. I know--you're on pins and needles.

Since I don't have any pictures of the kids this week, here are a few from the archives:

Ben in his tux for my sister's wedding, June 2005. He passed out in the church right before the ceremony and missed walking down the aisle.

Amelia looking gorgeous in April, 2006


Liam, my cute little elf, in December 2005

Why are you still here? You should be off voting for me.

Lunchtime Quickie

I spent all day Thursday finally getting my bedroom unpacked (hey, 6 months isn't that long...). While I was working I ended up watching a marathon of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.



I sob uncontrollably almost every time I watch Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. I say almost because there was one episode that really pissed me off.

I think they lived in Louisiana. The father was unable to work due to his "disability." The house was falling down. The mom was working 4 jobs to keep them afloat.

The first thing that pissed me off was that there were three adult children living there, none of whom worked or attended school.

So, Ty and the gang came in and built them a huge house, giving each of the lazy adult children their own suite.

They also built a custom garage with lift and equipped it with top of the line mechanic's tools because "disabled" dad's hobby is fixing cars. Umm...if you can get yourself under a car and fix it, surely you can work somewhere.

In addition to the garage, they stocked the pond on the property with fish and gave them a boat and every family member their own fishing gear, enabling lazy kids and "disabled" dad to spend the days fishing instead of contributing to the family.

I felt bad for the mom, who does everything. I was glad she got to have a nice house. But it made me mad that the rest of the family's slovenliness was so greatly rewarded.

I'm awesome at being lazy. Where's my mansion, Ty?

A little eye candy for the ladies

Before I get angry comments, I believe that 99% of the home recipients are hardworking people who more than deserve a beautiful home. Also, I put disabled in quotations because, quite frankly, I do not believe this particular guy was disabled enough to be unemployed based on his daily activities. It's not my opinion of the disabled community as a whole.

Dear Burger King

Dear Burger King,

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to explain what a virgin is to my 9 year old.

Sincerely,
~Brandi

Definitely a virgin

Thursday Morning Confessions: New Year's Edition

Happy New Year, everyone! Due to the overwhelming response, it's once again time for Thursday morning confessions.


I always read the end of the book first. I also look up movie spoilers before I see a movie.

I've read Little Women at least 100 times, and I still think Jo should have married Laurie.


My freshman college roommate snuck in a bottle of Peppermint Schnapp's and we mixed it with hot chocolate. That was my one and only foray into drinking. I know, I'm wild.

I planned to cheat on a Latin test once, but in making the cheat sheet I ended up memorizing all the information and didn't need to cheat.



In the card I gave my sister at her bridal shower, I wrote: "It's not too late to cancel." And I meant it.

I have never, ever, not even once been able to keep a plant alive.

I think Captain Picard from Star Trek: The Next Generation is HOT.

Make it so, baby.

Umm, I'm a huge fan of Star Trek: The Next Generation.

Will has a thing for Princess Leia in the metal bikini. (O.K., so not my confession, but I was feeling like a big nerd with all that Star Trek talk.)


My friends and I had an "I hate men" party the night of senior prom because we were all dateless losers.

I laughed at Dick Clark when he was off by one second in the count down to New Year's last night. And I don't even feel guilty about it.

Tie a knot in it, Jim Bob

Have you guys heard of the Duggars? The family who just had their 18th child? The ones who will keep going until poor Mrs. Duggar's ovaries dry up because God wants them to keep having kids?



Yeah, I have a real problem with them.

I actually don't have a problem with them having 18 kids per se. They can keep procreating until Mrs. Duggar's 1988 mullet comes back in style for all I care. They are financially able to provide for the family, and they're raising caring, responsible children. All that is great by me.

What I take issue with is their buddy system. Each older child is assigned one (or more) buddies--a younger child that they essentially raise. Don't believe me? It's all here on the official family website in the FAQ.

I think all children need to have responsibilities in the home. They all need to be taught life skills. They all need to pitch in.

However, I think being assigned a sibling to be wholly responsible for is unfair. Read through the FAQ. Tell me when play time for the older kids is, because I've yet to see it on the schedule.

When you see them on TV, the older kids are always smiling and saying how much they love their life. I don't know if it's acting or brainwashing, but I have a hard time believing that a 16 year old girl is thrilled that her mother just popped out number 18, meaning she gets to take on responsibility for yet another sibling.

I think a good rule of thumb for this family should be: If you can't take care of the family without full time help from the older children, it's time to stop.

But that's just me. What do you think?

Always Prepared

So, I got a tag a couple of months ago, but I put off doing it because I was afraid you'd all think I was crazy.

The tag was simple--dump out the contents of your purse and tell what everything is.

Not so bad.

Here's the purse. It's huge and I love it.


Here are the contents--nothing too strange: wallet, emergency glucose injection, folding hairbrush, phone, keys, hand lotion, lip gloss, gummy candy, antibacterial wipes and a pen.


But then I have one more thing in there. My "Preparedness Pack." This is the point where some people, like my husband, think I go from mildly eccentric to full on crazy cakes.

I would have taken everything out so you could see the individual items, but fitting it all back in is an exact science. It's a very small case.
Inside you'll find: dissolving soap paper (for those bathrooms where there's no soap), sunblock stick, Tylenol, tape measure, tissues, cough drops, antibacterial wipes, body wash, deodorant, mouthwash, Febreze, Tide-to-go, a mini first aid kit, a sewing kit, face blotting papers, hand lotion, double A batteries, a card with a picture of Jesus surrounded by children with the 13 Articles of Faith on the back, Immodium AD, and tampons.
All in a 6" x 3" x 6" case.

And speaking of tampons, isn't this the cutest?

It holds three.

I'm not sure what compels me to have all of that on hand. Go ahead and laugh, but when you find yourself out somewhere and in need of a tape measure or body wash or a button, you won't be laughing anymore. You'll be wishing you had my purse.