Monday, January 5, 2009

Last Requests

O.K., so tomorrow is my surgery. In the off chance that the worst happens and I don't make it off the operating table, I have a few final requests.

I didn't have time to go to Legal and fill out a living will, so I figure that posting it here, making you all my witnesses, is good enough.

First and foremost, DO NOT let Will bury me in Evanston, Wyoming. We've discussed what would happen if either of us died in the near future and this is his plan: He would bury me in Evanston, get out of the army and move somewhere in or around Evanston, and he and the kids would come visit my grave faithfully.


Do not want.


Here's what would actually happen: He would get out of the army and move back to Evanston. Then he would start dating before I'm even cold in the ground and would be remarried in a year or so. He and the new wife will go off somewhere and live out the rest of their lives. Of course he'll want to be buried with her--they will have been married for 50 years, while he'd only been married to me for 11 and a half. And of course she won't want to be buried with the first (and best) wife. So where does that leave me? Dead and alone in friggin' Evanston, Wyoming. A place I hate with all of my being. I do not want the first thing I see on Resurrection Morning to be the back of the Maverick gas station. Or sage brush. Or trailers.

Bury me in Maine. Preferably in Georgetown.


Want.


Second, I would like Eva Cassidy's version of Fields of Gold to be played at my funeral. If that means it can't be held in an LDS chrch, so be it. I would also like some dirty or off color jokes to be added into my eulogy. And my obituary. And speaking of the obituary, please use a picture of Angelina Jolie. Also--and this is really important--I want there to be a big party after the funeral. Pizza, ice cream sundaes, karaoke, a DJ...you name it. You have my permission to laugh and have fun even though I'm dead.

Third, I would like Amelia to have my wedding ring when she's 21 (or when she gets married--whichever comes first). Unless she grows up to be a crack head or something and will just pawn it so she can buy a pack of smokes and oxycontin. Use your best judgement.



Hopefully I'll be home by Friday and you won't be subpoenaed when Will tries to bury me in Evanston.

Wish me luck!

16 comments:

  1. As always, a funny post! Seriously though, best wishes for your surgery tomorrow! We hope that everything goes well and that you're recovering at home by Friday. Let us know if we can do anything for you from Maryland.

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  2. Good luck! Sorry I can't buy you lobster socks for this hospital stay. I won't need it, but I'll get my off-color joke ready. Actually, I have a funny little left-over Christmas photo. I'll have to send it to you.

    Hm, I don't seem to have your e-mail at work. I'll try to send it at home and hopefully you'll get the chuckle before the surgery!

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  3. We love you Brandi! Best luck of tomorrow.

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  4. Good luck tomorrow! I'm sending you another email today--watch for it!

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  5. i cant stand Wyoming either. I'll forward you an email i wrote about driving through Wyoming and all of the scenic pictures!

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  6. good luck and just remember, pretty soon you get those new boobs, too!
    emily g

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  7. Oh, just read your comment on my board. I have a super easy and yummy cheaters bulgogi recipe. Eventually, you should be able to eat a little of it.

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  8. new boobs?? What? I want some! Brandi? Are you holding out on me? Hope you are well and we expect a post the second (or two) you enter your home... even if you are a little tipsy. Actually ESPECIALLY if you are a little woosy. That should be fun.

    My prayers are with you babe.

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  9. Do you really want a picture of Angelina Jolie? I mean, how about someone prettier...Reece Witherspoon?

    Evanston WY no go. got it. I'll be ready to fight that one for ya. It's ugly. I come from West Texas...I know ugly.

    I have a really hard seeing Amelia as a crack whore...so I think you're good there.

    See ya on the skinny side. Prayers and all that for ya.

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  10. Brandi my love... are you sure you want jokes from Aunt Teri and me. It could get ugly. Seriously... I love you very much. I am praying for your successful surgery and rapid recovery. God Bless You!!!!

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  11. You crack me up! I hope all goes well tomorrow. If not, I'll think of a kick-ass joke for your funeral.

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  12. Brandi,
    We are praying for you....No Evanston Wyoming. Got it!!!
    We love you. See you tomorrow!!!

    Can't wait for your super funny doped up post on friday!!!!

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  13. Good luck! And yes, DEFINITELY I want to see some drug-induced blogs from you. Please tell Will to stick the laptop in your hands the minute they wheel you out of recovery.

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  14. Here's hoping all went well. I get it no Evanston, or anyplace else in Wyoming. Maine Coast got it, hope you don't need it!

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  15. I read this too late, I mean you ended up not having surgery, but nevertheless, I would like to be buried in Maine, as well. Thanks for the heads up! :)

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  16. The (hopefully not!) BuryerJanuary 8, 2009 at 10:46 PM

    Rock Springs then.



    :-)

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Be nice or I'll punch you in the taco.

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