Here we go again

O.K., so here we are again--a day before the big surgery. I'm not nearly as nervous as I was last week. I should be--all the possible complications are still there--but I'm not. I guess that's a good thing. The biggest thing I'm worried about? Dying without ever knowing how LOST ends. It's a sincere concern of mine.

I go in and talk to the surgeon this afternoon. I'm telling him that he has my permission to remove any non-essential organ that gets in his way or has alien cysts growing on it. I'm also going to try to convince him to give me a hysterectomy while he's in there. Think he'll go for it?

I'm also trying to come up with a really creative threat to tape to my stomach before the surgery. I'm allergic to iodine. I had a big red wristband on stating that. I also reminded the surgeon and the anesthesiologist. But, they prepped me with betadine anyway. I spent 3 days burning and itching.

So, I'm going to tape a note to my stomach reminding them, and I'd like to include a threat. Something that they'd know was a joke yet would also convey that I mean business. Any ideas?

Oh, and I have a codicil for my will. I would like you to get Kathy Griffin to give my eulogy. I know she's a busy celebrity, but in my head we're best fiends. I think she'd do it.


And all those jokes I want from all of you? Have them printed in a book to be given out as gifts at the after-party.

And I want a pink casket.





And if anyone comes near my cold, dead eyelids with blue or green eyeshadow I'll haunt you (in a bad, evil way) for the rest of your life.

I think that covers it.

Oh wait. One last thing.

Those with weak stomachs may want to avert your eyes.

Ready?





Are you sure?

My before shot. You'll see a lot of this as the months go on.

Before, a side view. Flattering, no? I like how it shows off my back hump (years of poor posture and a mild case of scoliosis). Just call me Quasimodo.


You guys totally thought I was going to show you another ovarian cyst picture, didn't you?