Thursday, January 22, 2009

Damn it all to mother frakkin hell


I'm mad.

The fighting back tears kind of mad. Not the Will bought a Wii Fit kind of mad.

I just got home from my first post operative appointment. I'm going to have to do this all over again in 6 months to a year. The whole surgery.

I've been telling them since the very first drink of water I was allowed to have that I wasn't getting full--that I could drink 8 or 9 ounces a time. They kept saying that it "takes a few days" to feel the fullness.

So, I mention it again today and they decide to give me a big glass of water and have me drink "until I think I'll vomit."

My stomach, which should now hold 3-4 ounces, can hold 10 ounces.

I'll still lose weight, but at a slower rate and it will be a much harder uphill battle (which is why they want to do a revision at some point).

On the bright side, 10 ounces is still much smaller than before. I'm still taking far less insulin. I'm still off the blood pressure meds. I don't ever feel hunger. I'll still lose weight.

I just wish I could have something happen normally for once. Something, anything. Everything always ends up being a convoluted ordeal. Nothing can ever be just normal. I just want normalcy.


  1. Hmm..i'm gonna be thinking of another way to cuss when i'm mad now that i have those words in my head....Seriously, i'm sorry that you have to do it all over again. Even if the Dr.'s messed up you will still be getting healthier! Really, though, i'll drink a non-alcoholic beer in your honor to commiserate with you.

  2. Brandi? Hello? Is this you? I can't take all the cussing! Not that I'm being preachy, but this is so unlike you... so I think. :) But seriously, are you okay? Breathe! Just put another post it note to your belly to make sure they get it right. Sorry girl! I recommend throwing stuff when you are mad. It works for me and you might burn some more calories... okay, now you want to throw something at me. :)

  3. Aw, I'm sorry. I think while you were posting this, I was telling my mom how well you were doing, too. It's still progress. Look on the bright side. Sending good vibes your way!

    And if you want cussing, you should come and sit by my cube. Just don't stand too close in case the lightning strikes. Today was a banner day for me and I rarely say bad words. :)

  4. I'd be saying a lot worse than that if I were in your shoes. That just bites. I'm sorry.

    Maybe Gay Chad can calm you down with some yoga?

  5. You were so calm and only slightly annoyed when you were telling me about this at the hospital. Where is the world did this come from? I know that your blog is your outlet, but I didn't expect this kind of scene from when I saw you earlier. I really am sorry though. I does totally suck!
    Well maybe at least your DR will get it right from now on...we can only hope at least. Think of it as helping those who will be going after you.

    I know it's not much better, but we can try.

  6. Stephanie--

    I have a public meltdown phobia. Crying in the pharmacy would have totally gone against that. :)

  7. Brandi,
    I am so sorry!!! This totally sucks. I can't believe that the surgery didn't go as planned. UMMM that is a 6-7 oz differnce. I would totally be Angry.... How Frustrating too.... I think you are alowed to vent your frustration any way you want. Those of you who don't like it don't read it.

  8. Maybe that's why will bought the wii, he just had a hunch the surgery may not work...

    i'm really sorry about the surgery, i dont trust doctors... i wouldnt go back, next time they'll cut too much and you'll end up with a feeding bag...

    sorry to be a pessimist but i just dont trust doctors!

  9. My friend who had the surgery said only the food goes to the stomach and the liquid completely by-passes it (which is why she became an alcoholic after the surgery). That's not the case after all? Weird.



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