Monday, April 6, 2009

The men talk back!

In case you were one of the three people in the universe who didn't show up to read the original post, please go here and read it first. This'll all make a lot more sense.

So, after the huge response I (O.K., Sylwia, actually) got from the original post, I thought it would be interesting to get the male perspective. A few brave souls were willing to contribute.

As I posted before, there is nothing dirty or bad in this post, however it is intended for ADULTS ONLY.

Here we go.

Cheyenne wrote:

I must say I found it hard to think of something with substance to contribute to this topic. But I didn't want to perpetuate the stereotype that all a guy needs is a (sometimes) warm vagina to be happy.

Spicing it up is important. Eventually (eternity is a long time after all) it is going to get boring. You can usually tell when you hit a rut, because your spouse will usually say something sexy like, "So you wanna have sex huh?" and then assume the position. Dressing up sometimes helps. I enjoy coming home to my wife as a sexy secretary. Although, it is usually one-sided as I haven't figured out how to reciprocate as a sexy boss. Maybe a Member's Only jacket?

No one is going to have fun if you're doing something you don't want to do. But if you're a normal person and okay with it, try something besides missionary. (Note: Never do missionary. You should only do that if you are on a mission.) TABOO WARNING: Also, remember - if God didn't want you to have sex on your period he wouldn't have invented the shower. It can heighten a woman's sensations. It's science. So can anal stimulation. Also science. Trust me. I went to college as a freshman for four years.

The biggest roadblock I can think of is embarrassment. Your spouse should be your bestest friend. So why is it so hard to tell them what you REALLY want? I found out several years in that my wife actually got hot talking about sex. Wish I knew that earlier. I guess I was scared she would think I was a freak and run away screaming if I said I always wanted her to dress up as a raccoon as I covered her in baby oil.

OH YEAH! Take control. Yeah, yeah, we're men and dominate, blah, blah, blah. Nothing is hotter than a lady grabbing your head and positioning it where she wants it. Or hands. Or...gasp...Penis.

Adama* wrote:

I was both surprised and appreciative to be given the opportunity to contribute. I'm an older guy, older than most of you anyway, and let me tell you, you're never too old to learn a few new tricks.

I think the younger men will likely cover the specifics of what they think constiutes great sex, so I'll leave that side to the experts. What I really want to address is something that came up in the women's post. The exchange in the comments became quite heated, so I chose not to share my opinion there. Now that I'm given the floor, so to speak, I'd like to share it now.

A young lady stated that sex is "all about the woman."

She is correct that women usually need far more than men to acheive a satisfying sexual relationship.

Here is where I disagree. No relationship, be it sexual or otherwise, can be healthy if one person is continuously the giver and the other simply receives. I'm certain her husband is delighted to serve her in such a loving and intimate manner, but should that be it? Forever?

No one, male or female, should ever do anything sexual that they are physically or emotionally uncomfortable with, or that our church leaders have counseled against. Please don't misunderstand me. I want that to be very clear before I go on.

But equally important is that there be a give and take in our relationships. While this young husband may delight in serving his wife, it does not mean that he would not also enjoy being served, ahem, from time to time. Let me put it in non sexual terms: My wife adores cooking. The only thing she likes more than cooking is watching her family enjoy her culinary creations. She is happy to cook every meal. However, that does not mean she doesn't enjoy it when I surprise her by doing the meal preparation myself once in a while and let her sit back and enjoy the fruits of my labor.

Christ should always be our foremost example in all things. He spent His entire life serving others. If we are not serving each other, even, or perhaps especially, when it comes to our intimate marital relations, then we are not following His example.

Starbuck* wrote:

Honestly, I think the women covered nearly everything. All I really have to offer is this: Remember that this is your eternal companion. Hopefully, as we remember that, we'll stop being embarrassed or afraid to express what we want to our partner.

Also, remember that the only person besides the two of you who should be part of your marriage is our Heavenly Father. It's O.K to talk to Him about sex. I think we sometimes forget that.

Saul* wrote:

1. Hairless (if you know what I mean) is the best way to go.
2. Talking dirty (as much as you are comfortable with) is a great thing.
3. See number 1.
4. See number 2.

Apollo* wrote:

I would say guys enjoy sex more frequently than women do. So sometimes it might seem like a chore for her, but if the guy is smart, he will always show his appreciation to her for it. If he gets the feeling she's not into it, though, it can kill the mood pretty quickly.

I would say communication and some willingness to go outside the comfort zone are the keys to keeping it fun and alive. And I don't mean the "physical comfort zone," but the mental "I've never considered that" zone.

Variety is a huge one- the whole get undressed at the same time, get into bed, do the usual positions routine becomes just that- routine. So varying time, place, dress (or not) etc... keeps things interesting. ESPECIALLY if it's initiated by her and when it's NOT planned for by me. Surprise sex is the best!
(And I guess that's partly because it's always better when she initiates, rather than my having to.)

Really, though, sex is just one component of a marriage. I've heard a story of one Joseph Smith getting chided by someone who thought it was unbecoming that the Prophet would be washing the floors of his house. Joseph replied something to the effect of "If you don't take care of your wife in this life, then you won't have her in the next." She'll always be more willing to help the guy out if he helps her out.

Boomer* wrote:

Women are more like a puzzle where all the pieces keep changing shapes just as we are about to put the pieces together. What works for a woman one time may totally not work for her the next time, so be flexible and she will probably want to be flexible too. :-)

Think about her, pay attention to the rhythms of her body, listen to her breathing and be willing to use some creative, alternative methods to help her get there first. If it has been awhile since she has had an orgasm and she finally has one, try to keep them coming. It will make her want to have sex more often and it will get easier to get her there. It will also make her more eager to please…….

Someone mentioned shaving little hearts and such….well let’s say that keeping everything neat and tightly trimmed or just plan BARE (preferably) turns up the heat for both of us.

68 is okay too, you know, I do you and you owe me one. There is nothing wrong with being unselfish toward each other. However, when I am the one giving (even if I was not planning on receiving anything, well okay I’m always planning to get something and sometimes I am successful), it always turns into a demand for me when she gets there.

All the talk about it being all about the woman is kinda true. Don’t get me wrong, I am after mine too, but if I take the time to get her extremely aroused, it is so much better for me and her. I guess it is more “her first” than “only her”.

Chief* wrote:

There is a time to touch softly and speak gently, and there is a time to touch passionately and speak heatedly. Only you and your spouse know when those times are. Communication and give and take are the keys to a happy and fulfilling relationship. Everything else is just rainbow sprinkles on the ice cream.

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

** The above are just opinions. Take them for what they are.


  1. Oh you wicked, wicked woman! How could you post such porn from men??? Don't you know that you've just embarked on the road to an affair? Dangerous waters... Very, very dangerous...

    XD (from I think you know who, but I don't want to get either of us into any more trouble than we already have been)

  2. Nice job men!

    Brandi--the picture at the beginning? Genuis! I'm dying!

  3. Didn't they do a good job? I was impressed (but not surprised).

  4. I still don't get the picture. Don't tell me...I'm sure I'll get it soon. I did just highlight my hair a little blonder.

    Cheyenne- a little TMI, but I wouldn't expect anything less. :)

    guys...great job.

  5. Ariella, there's a naughty little euphemism involved. And most of the men mentioned it.

  6. I'll just say it.

    Beaver is often used as a euphemism for vagina.

    Now go look at the picture again.

  7. hahahaha, that photo made me laugh so much, I'm calling my mom to describe it. :)

  8. Delayed reaction...


    Good job guys!

  9. Wow I am really impressed!!! way to go guys.

    Brandi I am glad you explained the picture I totally didn't get it.. LOL!!!! Who knew a Beaver=Vagina I guess everyone knew but me. HUMMMM loving my square.

  10. Beaver originated in Naked Gun. She's climbing the ladder and he goes "Nice beaver"

  11. Can I just say that really being shaved is pretty uncomfortable? I've been shaved three times prior to c-sections, and neither the shaving nor the growing out was very comfortable. Itchy and rashy and razor bumps and ingrown hairs. Doesn't sound particularly attractive to me, either, but I had staples and stretch marks in the way and I wasn't looking. Even keeping my bikini line shaved involves itchy razor bumps, so I've never considered going all the way on a regular basis. I will say, however, since it seems to be so all-important, that the men's comments made me realize I could consider getting out the clippers and simply, um, pruning the jungle a bit. What I want to know is, would THEY put a sharp set of clippers anywhere near their manhood? Or is this one of those one-sided things?

  12. Mine does. He doesn't shave all the way to the skin, but he "tidies up" down there. If you don't like shaving, try trimming. Trust me, he'll like it.

  13. TMI? Heck, I even got edited down a little Ariella.

    And too Poohzcrew (if that is your real name) I put clippers AND razors down there on myself. My wife has a line-something about not having in rumble in the jungle if the vines something, something...I can't remember. But, I am a hairy man so I have to go all out...otherwise I have hair boxers. Ask her about the time I went crazy with Nair. I knew she loved me when she (begrudgingly) naired my taint.

    I noticed we only have 16 comments so far. What's the deal?!

    Oh...Sylwia isn't reading this smut so we have no excitement.

    She's probably watching Caligula.

    I do love the picture! I had this perv friend of mine that googled "Sex" and "Shaved Beaver Porn" and he said the first website that popped up was Brandi's Blog.

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  15. I hate Nair. Mostly because I've severely allergic to it. I found out by trying it on my legs and not down there, thankfully or it would have VERY bad.

    I think the guys helped quite a bit. Not that anything was really surprising, but help me remember and think of what my man wants.

  16. "hair boxers"... now we are really into TMI, Cheyenne!

  17. Poohzcrew,

    Do it gradually. I mean over a couple of weeks. Trim it first, then gradually get shorter and shorter. Eventually, when it's pretty short, lather yourself up with some good shave gel and shave it all off. I don't think they do it nearly as methodically when you go into the hospital. Maybe that's why you got the rash.

  18. My husband prefers a "putting green", rather than the whole thing shaved. And, guys, seriously, if you can trim it, too, it's sooooo much better for oral.

    And I curious as to what Brandi had to delete....

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  20. After all these tips and suggestions, I'll never look at the ladies in Relief Society the same way again.

    Mormon girls... who knew?????

  21. Let us stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all places and in all things....internet included. You should be ashamed of yourself.

  22. And you should be ashamed for your unrighteous judgment. Pride cometh before the fall...internet included.

    I have nothing to feel ashamed of.

    I would be O.K. with my bishop reading this. Since when did sex between a married couple become something shameful?

    By the way, if you'd like to call me to repentance in the future, at least have the cajones to use your name, coward.

  23. No one has mentioned pumping. You know, Dr. Joel Kaplan. What a wonderful thing it is!


Be nice or I'll punch you in the taco.