You know there's a hilarious story there somewhere.

So, today I was eating my beef jerky (because you know I love me some beef jerky) and I pulled out the little freshness packet.

"FOR PRODUCT FRESHNESS ONLY. DO NOT EAT PACKET!"

After I spit it out, I started wondering about the story behind the warning. Because you know there was one.

Dear Jack Link's Beef Jerky Company,

I sprinkled that there seasoning packet on my jerky last night, and it was mighty delicious! Unfortunately, I think it had gone bad because I spent all night peeing blue and having conversations with Abraham Lincoln.

Sincerely,
Bobby Earl Johnson
Hicksville, West Virginia

And then I started thinking about other warnings and how they came to be necessary.

My blow dryer says, "Do not use while sleeping." I'm kind of at a loss with this one. I mean, really? Is anyone that lazy?

Liam's Superman costume says, "Wearing this cape will not enable the user to fly." I kind of don't want to think about the incidents that likely led to that particular warning label.

My curling iron says, "Do not use internally." I'll let you ponder that one on your own.

And once when I was around 13, I walked into an ice cream shop in Freeport, Maine where there was a huge sign on the door that read, "Low ceiling fans! DO NOT CARRY CHILDREN ON SHOULDERS!"

Ouch.