Thursday, February 24, 2011

Goodwill Hunting

So, last week I was in Goodwill looking for some jeans. These 18 pounds don't seem to be going anywhere anytime soon, and I couldn't live with the muffin top any longer. It was time for bigger pants. But, I don't want to pay full price for pants that hopefully I will only wear temporarily. So, off to Goodwill I went.

While there I noticed an entire section of underwear. Used underwear. Who the hell buys used underwear?

I understand that times are hard. I understand that I am lucky beyond measure because I have the means to go buy new, unused underwear whenever I want.

But you know what?


They are a luxury. Or as some of my commando-going friends might argue, an unnecessary tradition.

I would never judge someone for eating out of a garbage can or living in a cardboard box. Food and shelter are necessities of life, and you do what you have to do.

But you can live without underwear. There is no reason on Earth for anyone to be putting on someone else's used skivvies. It's just wrong. Are we all clear on this? Don't wear used underwear.

And then, of course, this set my mind to wandering.

What if the previous owner of the jeans I purchased was someone who eschewed undergarments? Wouldn't that then be like I was wearing their used underwear in some twisted sort of way?

And what about new clothes? I mean, they always have that sign saying to leave your undergarments on when trying stuff on, but what about people who don't wear undergarments? Could clothing that I've bought new have previously come in contact with someone else's lady bits? Possibly multiple people's lady bits?

I mean, someone could have bought it, taken it home, worn it around sans panties for a day, and then returned it. And then I unwittingly buy them and get their twidget cooties.

This line of thinking is also why I will never ever buy used dishes. The places my mind goes to when looking at a used bowl or pot or spoon would frighten you.

Really, it's a wonder I'm even able to leave the house and interact with people at all.

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