Friday, September 19, 2008

Brilliantly deceitful

Oh, Ben.

Have you ever had moments when your kid did something really bad, but they did it so well that you almost wanted to praise them? I have those every day with Ben.

If the boy put a quarter of the energy into his school work that he puts into his schemes to get out of school work he'd be a straight A student.

It started last year. He didn't want to do home work, but he didn't want to get in trouble at home either. They had agenda books for homework assignments. Ben started writing shorter, easier assignments into his book rather than what was actually assigned. So, silly me, I thought he was completing his work.

Imagine my surprise when his teacher called to discuss why he hadn't done home work in weeks.

To remedy the problem, he had to show his agenda to the teacher at the end of each day so she could verify that he wrote the correct assignment in. It seemed a simple solution, but we hadn't reckoned with Ben.

Ben saved his allowance and purchased a NEW agenda book at the school store. He would dutifully write the correct assignment in the one he showed his teacher, and then secretly would write shorter, easier assignments in the new one to show me. He was 7!

This year the homework battle has started again, but this time I warned the teacher and we came up with a fool proof plan--his teacher would e-mail me his assignments everyday so I wouldn't have to rely on Ben to know what they are. Again, we didn't reckon with the criminal genius that is Ben.

He decided he didn't want to do his math, so he left the book at school. Again, he wanted to avoid punishment at home. So, he acts like he's hard at work, doing his math. He even came into the kitchen to ask us for help with a problem. Half an hour later he presents me with a neat column of math answers. I tell him I need his book so I could make sure the answers are correct.

At that point his face gave his guilt away.

He totally made up every answer on the paper. The problem he asked for help with was a complete fabrication. His math book was in his desk at school.

He also managed to convince his teacher that our religion observed Ashbellum* for the entire month of August, and part of the practice is that we can do no work after 4 pm. I don't know exactly what he said, but he was convincing enough that he got out of homework for the first 3 weeks of school. I didn't know about this until his teacher mentioned it to me today. She felt silly for being duped by a 4th grader, but I told her she was in good company. She was just one of many who had fallen prey to Ben's mind.

If only he'd use his powers for good...

*Ashbellum is something completely fabricated by Ben. I've never even heard the word before.


  1. He is a super hero all right. Wow. That's just about all I can say. Wow.

  2. Wow!! He's a smart cookie! I understand the wanting to praise him for sure.

  3. I think he's got a great life ahead of him as an entrepreneur. Let's just hope it's for Apple, not ENRON. XD

  4. Ashbellum? For real! I can't believe it! It's like when your kid does something really bad and you take a picture of it. I can't believe it! That's going to be my excuse from now on. HA! ASHBELLUM!!

    Sorry. You really do have your work cut out.

  5. Oh Brandi!!! He is a little genius! How old was he when he hacked into your computer and took over as administrator?

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  7. Wow...I'm with Monique. Wow! I bet you just can't wait until he's a teenager.

  8. hahahaha... seriously, I haven't stopped laughing. He is genius. That is the key. If you make your parents laugh or be amazed at your genius, punishment is marginally less severe (but still exists). Oh, Ben, welcome to the secret club of homework evaders. :) I've got some stories for him...

  9. Oh Brandi that is terrible. What crazy scemes he has come up with. wow!!! you have to stay on your toes. Oh boy the fun!!!

  10. I am Sooooooooooo in love with this kid now!!
    What a brilliant wonderful child1 ( and I am Sooooo very thankful that he is not mine because I am not smart enough to keep up with him)

    You have a great journey ahead of you Brandi- what a joy to know that you will always have someone who will make you laugh with his brilliance and the fact that he will probably change the world.

    Not to mention that you can always blame the bad parts on Will if you want to :-)

    Forrest and I are planning on celebrating Aahbellum.


  11. that was soooo funny. ben is pretty clever!!



    That is too funny. Ben is so obviously smart that I always figured him for a teacher's pet, not an evil genius :)

    And yes, you're so funny that I'm now sitting here reading all your old posts. What a fabulous way to procrastinate when I should be doing something productive, like cleaning my bathrooms! Thanks!

  13. Brandi,

    He is mind-numbingly brilliant, and scares the crap out of me. Suddenly my poop stories seem awfully benign.

    I predict right now that the world will either be saved or destroyed at the hands of your son. No pressure.


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