Saturday, September 13, 2008

I'm sorry, O.K.? I just didn't like it.

Twilight, that is. Most of my friends have read it and loved it and read the whole series and loved it and are slightly obsessed with it. And I don't get it.

I read it with an open mind. I tried to like it, I really did. But it was so predictable. And so full of teen angst. And so full of word repetition that I wanted to poke my eyes out with a fork. Seriously, I started counting how many times she used the word "glared." I stopped counting at 173 (no exaggeration). Somebody please send Mrs. Meyer a thesaurus ASAP. And do we really need 27 different descriptions of what the vampires look like? Pale. Under eye circles. Unspeakable beauty. Graceful. Topaz eyes. I got it the first 15 times, thanks (and Topaz is another word I can live without reading now for the next 50 years). And did I mention the angst? A quote from the movie Heathers kept playing in my mind through the whole book: "Dear Diary, my teen-angst bull**** now has a body count."

On the back of the book there are reviews from major news publications. One of them proclaims that Twilight is the best book of 2005. Really? Better than A Man Without a Country by Kurt Vonnegut? Better than Saturday by Ian McEwan? Better than Harry freakin' Potter and the Half Blood Prince? Really?

Maybe I just don't like vampire books. I read a few of Ann Rice's vampire series and didn't care much for them, and Ann Rice is 10 times the writer Stephanie Meyer could ever hope to be.

Maybe I'm just too old. By the end of the first chapter I had Bella and Edward cast in my mind's eye as Winona Ryder and River Phoenix. The target demographic for this book were mere babes when River Phoenix died and only know about Winona Ryder's shoplifting.

Maybe I didn't like it because I didn't see Edward as some romantic, tragic hero. I saw him as a controlling boyfriend. A couple more over used words in the book were "commanded" and "demanded," both in reference to Edward speaking to Bella. I can't count the number of times he used physical force to compel her to do something she didn't want to do. Bella is far from the role model I'd want my daughter looking up to. I see her as weak and I wish someone would just snap and suck her blood already.

I think the biggest problem is that Stephanie Meyer is writing about things she doesn't know. I don't mean vampires. I mean the dark, evil side of people. She tries to delve into lust and violence and darkness but ends up falling back on cliches. It's not her fault. She's a Mormon mom who went to BYU. How much lust and violence and darkness could she have experienced? There's a reason she made the vampires all sparkly and glittery in the sun. I was half expecting rainbows, purple unicorns and Mariah Carey to make an appearance in the clearing with them.

Also, I got a tiny inkling that maybe she was living vicariously through Bella. Why else would she bother to yammer on and on (and on) about the boys lining up to date her and how frackin' good she smelled? Sure, the smell played a role in the story, but we didn't really need to be reminded of it every other page. And I'm sorry, but if you're an outcast at one school, it's not likely the popular boys will be fighting over you at the new school. Just sayin'.

At any rate, I'm glad my friends enjoy the series. I don't have to love it. Just don't expect me to read the rest of the series or line up at midnight to watch the movie with you (now that I have River and Winona in my head any other actors will be disappointing).

And back to how predictable it is: I bet a billion dollars Billy and his people are Werewolves. Am I right? Am I?


  1. I feel almost exactly the same way. I really wasn't impressed with the series. But I had the need to finish it and see what happened in the end. Right now I am in the last 50 pages of the 4th and final book and still I don't see what all the fuss was about. Bella annoyed the heck out of me and yes the descriptions were so repetitive. My favorite was, "my lips pressed against his cold, hard lips." I swear that is in the books like five-hundred times! Also I had a hard time finding ANY of the characters attractive or picturing them in my mind because to me her descriptions of them were so contradictory. "pale skin, dark circles, yet brilliantly beautiful." I was perplexed. I will still probably see the movie because I will be curious how it turns out, but it was a major disappointment to me too.

  2. ew. Thanks so much. I will read it, but how funny is it that I have read three other books this month that I have liked and I just keep putting that one on the back burner. I'm not the type of person to like these books either... "type" might sound bad. IT'S NOT!!! Hey, I like Harry Potter... I just don't like Dracula love stories.

  3. Awee Brandi I'm sorry you didn't like Twilight. I must give you props for trying to read it for the second time. I understand having to get over the audience she is writing for. And I agree it's hard to imagine her kissing hugging snuggling with a statue. I did have some issues with the series but over all I loved them. If you want a fun girls night out remember we are going to watch the midnight showing of Twilight November 21st.

  4. I love this post! I enjoyed the books for a way to escape reality for a couple of hours. However, whenever I read something like this I end up thinking, "Yeah, I know." I totally agree with everything you wrote. I won't go see the movie. I'll probably rent it when it comes out.

    You can come up to MD when all of your GA friends go out to see it. We can hang out and create something fantastic to eat!

  5. LOL, I had a good laugh! Thanks Brandi! I read the whole series and I enjoyed them, despite the things you mentioned. I must admit that when you are reading it super fast, you don't pick up on all the repetitions. I'm a little afraid to reread the books, for fear that I'm going to start noticing all the things you are talking about and get annoyed. Until then, I still liked them! Have a good one!

  6. "...rainbows, purple unicorns and Mariah Carey"?? really?!?! LOL!

  7. I actually didn't love the series, but I made it through Twilight. I liked New Moon a lot more. I just gave up during Eclipse. The funny thing is that there's hardly any of Edward in New Moon. I don't think that's why I like it more because I'm not in Team Jacob either. I did read spoilers on Eclipse and Breaking Dawn. My friend lent me the entire series so I expect I'll finish, but I like knowing what's coming so there won't be any huge disappointment. More blah.

    Oh, Heathers. It's not the same watching that movie without you. I am watching My Own Worst Enemy at least once for nostalgia. :)

    I'm not 100% into vampires, but there are some authors who write them well. Nora Roberts's series does villain vampires well. I also have read J.R. Ward and haven't hated the series. I'm currently reading Sherrilyn Kenyon. MaryJanice Davidson writes humorous vampires as does Erin McCarthy to some extent. It all depends on how well the world is created, and I agree that Meyer wasn't great at creating or demonstrating the world. Plus, I kind of wanted just a story about Alice. I liked her a lot.

  8. God bless you! I know we never talked about it...but you came up with my exact arguments! If I had to read about "lifting eyebrow"s and "glaring" again I was going to puke.

    And thanks for the controlling BF issue. I can't stand that women (yes, I know women...I know you do too.) that are in LOVE with Edward. Sorry, I like my husband who lets me make my own decisions.

    And Bella is most certainly a self-insert. That's why she looks like SMeyer!

    And yes, of course they are werewolves.

    Did I mention you are awesome? And now I'm totally going to picture Winonna Ryder and River Phoenix.

  9. Your posts cracked me up! I don't lust after this series, but i don't mind it. I liked the last book way more than i liked the first three. To me, it's not a bad series, but i seriously don't recommend reading them back to back, because the repetition truly does get boring. But, about the teen angst, i also didn't look at these books as serious adult fodder, since they were written for teens/young adults.
    Anyhow, just wanted to say hi and let you know after a tired day, you made me laugh!

  10. know I loved all 4 books, but I also agree with the repetition...but somehow, I don't care. They're such a fast read that I glide right over it. Bringing the movie to life...yeah, the movie will be interesting, but I'm still gonna go see it. Did you see the post on Emily's blog with the link to the trailer that makes fun of the movie. Pretty Darn funny.

    Miss you lady! Now I have to catch up on all the rest of your posts. You've been busy! :)


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