Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Call me Linda.

O.K., so about that scary, crazy guy yesterday.

I was running a little later than usual (because Amelia is either about to start her period 8 years early or she's possessed), so I didn't bother to bring my MP3 player--I was only going to have about 20 minutes before my spin class started. That was my first mistake. Apparently it's an invitation for people to chat with you.

So, I was on a machine and the guy next to me struck up a conversation. Have I mentioned that I dislike talking with strangers, especially when I'm trying to exercise? I do. Anyway, here's an approximate transcript of that conversation (stick with it. It may seem boring at the start, but it gets scary and creepy. Trust me.):

Scary, creepy guy (SCG): Well, it looks like I have a workout buddy today!
Me: ...
SCG: So, how long have you been coming here?
Me: About a year.
SCG: That's great! Do you take any classes?
Me: Spinning and Commando Cardio.
SCG: Do you work?
Me: No, I stay home with my kids.
SCG: Oh yeah? How old are they?
Me: (already getting a creepy vibe from this weirdo, so I decided to be deliberately vague) Umm, two in school. One at home.
SCG: Oh, girls or boys?
Me: Some of each.
SCG: Do you see a lot of movies?
Me: (now not only getting a creepy vibe, but also wondering of he's hitting on me) No, my husband and I enjoy hanging out at home.
SCG: What kind of movies do you like?
Me: Comedies, dramas...
SCG: Do you like horror movies?
Me: No, actually I don't.
SCG: I love them. I get such a rush from them. I mean, you get to watch someone kill someone and it's O.K.! You can watch people die but it's alright because it's all just made up! I mean, you can watch people die in a lot of movies, like action movies, but it's different, you know? What I like about horror movies is the fear in the eyes right before they die. And the blood and gore--it's so lifelike. It makes it easier to forget that it's all pretend.
Me: ...
SCG: I think you just need to give the horror genre a chance. Want to come see Shutter Island with me?
Me: No thanks. Like I said, I'm married.
SCG: So. We can go as friends, right? We're friends now.
Me: No, I still don't think it would be a good idea.
SCG: Why won't you go? Are you afraid of me or something? What? Are you afraid I'll rape you? Kidnap you? Kill you?
Me: (Thinking yes to all of the above) No, no. Of course not. It's just not my thing. Sorry. So, I've got to get going now (as I grab my stuff as quickly as possible).
SCG: Hey, I didn't get your name, workout buddy.
Me: I'm Linda.

Seriously, I'm a crazy magnet.

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