Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Thursday Morning Confessions

This may as well be an "adult" store as far as I'm concerned.

1. Restaurant supply stores get me hot and bothered. I don't even know why--I don't really like cooking. But whenever I go into one, I get a rush of adrenaline and suddenly feel the need to own a 15 gallon stock pot, a 200 pack of cardboard french fry holders and one of those syrup dispensers like they have at IHOP. Oh, and a monogrammed chef coat.

2. The pattern in my counter tops occasionally looks like pubic hairs. We've lived here for eight months now and I still freak out and think there are pubes on my counter.

3. I had a really spectacular hair day yesterday, and the only person who got to see it was the cashier at Wal-Mart. I hope she appreciated it.

4. The plus size model on this cycle of America's Next Top Model is a size 8. I think I'll go kill myself now.

5. Yes, I watch America's Next Top Model. Religiously. Shut up.

6. The reason I was at the aforementioned restaurant supply store was to buy a pack of little one ounce disposable sauce cups with lids, and a pack of the also aforementioned cardboard french fry holders. I put baby carrots and bell pepper strips in the fry holders, fat free ranch dressing in the sauce cups and packed it in my kids' lunches. They now think I'm the best mom ever and they ate their veggies.

7. I couldn't find our headset/microphone combo the other day, so I had to Skype with Will using the Wii microphone from Lego Rock Band. I really had to fight the urge to bust out into "We Will Rock You."

8. I have a post that's been sitting in my draft folder for awhile now. I'm afraid to post it because no matter how many times I rewrite it, it comes off sounding kind of racist, which honestly is not my intention. Let's just say that my friend and I (in her big, red Mormon minivan) got caught up in a funeral procession coming from Boiling Springs Black Baptist Church of Clarksville. It experience.

9. Sometimes I'm afraid if I think about things or say things, they'll happen just because I thought or said them. For example, I would never ever use the fake excuse of a relative dying because I'd be terrified that they really would die and it would be all my fault. As I was falling asleep last night I started thinking about what I would do if my plane was hijacked by terrorists and/or was about to crash. Like, who would I call if I could call--morbid things like that. Now I'm terrified that when I fly in a couple of weeks, it will crash and I will die while trying to make an international cell phone call to Afghanistan.

10. I'm so excited about my trip to Vegas I might throw up. I don't even care about the Vegas part of it. I'm just excited to see my friends and escape my children. Of course, if my plane goes down I'm going to feel horribly guilty for wanting to run away from them for a week. Yet, it's still kind of worth it.

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