Tuesday, March 1, 2011

What I'd do for free ice cream.

This could totally be me, for the low, low price of my soul.

So, does it mean that I've finally made it as a successful blogger when I start getting daily solicitations to review products and interview random people? Because if so, I HAVE TOTALLY MADE IT.

So far, I've been asked to:

-Review an advance copy of a book by some life coach, then interview the author and write a "favorable review." Yeah, they would only pay me if my review was favorable.

-Interview a doctor about how acne causes teen suicide, and then help said doctor with his fear campaign by promoting his acne product.

-Taste and review "Super premium, designer ice cream and probiotic frozen yogurt flavors." Again, payment is only offered for favorable reviews. I won't lie--I almost did this one. Odds are, I'm going to like the freaking ice cream. And fifty dollars is fifty dollars. Plus, you know, free ice cream.

-Try and review penis enlargement pills. This company was so sure of great results that payment was not predicated on a favorable review. There's just one problem: I don't have a penis. And the only penises (penii?) in my home right now belong to children. So, that's not happening. Can you imagine? "What, that? Oh, they were out of your Flintstone gummies. Just take this pill instead."

-Travel to Canada, interview a "sexuality and spirituality" guru, participate in one of his weekend retreats (which was accompanied by a warning that nudity and non-sexual but intimate touching would be involved) And then write a--you guessed it--favorable article about the experience.

And you know, I'm not averse to making some money from this blog. Heck, I wouldn't even be opposed to using and reviewing one product a week, especially if they gave me enough that I could give some away, too. (You're all coming with me to Canada for spirituality, nudity and non-sexual but intimate touching!) (That's way better if you read it in your best Oprah voice.)

But the problem is, these companies don't want me to say, "Hey--the company contacted me, sent me a sample, and here's what I think about it." Even if I honestly think good things about it.

They want me to write a post as though I just happened to try it, and I just happen to love it so much I want to tell you about it and provide eleventy million links to their site.

I'm not down with that. I've seen some bloggers who do that sometimes (coughNieNiecough) and it's so fake sounding. I mean, can you imagine what the blog post about penis enlargement pills would have been like? "So, my dear husband has a really small penis and we were looking for a way to remedy the situation. We found these super Penile Enhancement pills online, and let me just tell you about how GREAT they are!"

But you know, I really might reconsider that ice cream one. They have a Rice Krispie Treat flavor.

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