What happens in Vegas really does stay in Vegas.

This one's for you, Harmony.

So, I keep trying to write a recap of my week in Las Vegas, but there's not much to recap.

We may call it "Bad Girls' Week(end)," but let's face it--we're all nearly-middle aged moms. We're too tired to be bad.

I already covered pole dancing and drag queen bingo. Those were the major activities for the week. Other highlights included:

• I finally ate at Cafe Rio. I've been hearing about it from Utah people for years now. It was really good, but fear not my East of the Mississippi friends--Moe's is pretty much exactly the same.

• Marianne won $500 on the slot machines. I won $16, but I spent it on more slots. That's why I should never gamble.

• Harmony passed out at the outlet mall like a drunk girl at prom.

• We saw Gollum in a plaid mini skirt and tube top crouching next to a fire hydrant in front of The Bellagio.

• I may or may not have been filmed doing lap dancing moves to primary songs. And if I did, I assure you that the video no longer exists. I hope.

• I'm pretty sure that we all decided who we'd pair up with if we ever decided to start "playing for the other team." Unfortunately, I think we all decided on the same two people.

• Someone who shall not be named ordered a fruity drink in a three-foot tall glass. She thought it was a virgin drink. She thought wrong. That someone was very drunk most of Wednesday night. (And no, "someone" is not code for "me.")
  

Yeah. That's about it.

I know. I've greatly disappointed you. I'll try to be badder next time.