Sunday, December 7, 2008

Family Update Volume III *UPDATED*

I've pretty much covered most of the recent happenings of the family: Thanksgiving, bathroom remodeling, surgery and our pit bull hostage situation.

I guess all that's left to talk about is the Grovetown Christmas parade. This was at noon yesterday, and it was a much bigger deal than I expected.

Here we are, waiting for the parade to begin.

All week people have been telling us to make sure we bring bags for candy. They weren't kidding. We took in a bigger haul from this parade than we did at Halloween. Some floats even threw dollar bills stapled to business cards! Of course most of it was hard candy and lollipops. Cold air + hard candy + being hurled onto the pavement = a bag full of broken candy. But the kids had fun collecting it.

Actually, the candy collecting nearly turned into a street brawl. We were sitting on a relatively empty corner at the end of our street. There was no competition for candy--our kids were getting all the candy thrown at our side of the street. A family (from here on to be referred to as The Dumbasses) across from us noticed this and decided to come over and encroach on our candy territory. Father Dumbass was either suffering from severe hypoglycemia or he's a real butt nugget. I'm leaning toward butt nugget. He would walk over and deliberately stand in front of our kids to take the candy. He was also walking right up to the floats with a bag and demanding handfuls of candy. All while chain smoking.

And then a float came by throwing mardi gras beads. Mother Dumbass was running around like a crazy woman gathering them up. She even went up to the people throwing them and ripped them out of their hands! I really wish someone would have told me that you don't have to flash the girls to get them here. It was cold out there.

Anyway, an hour later Santa rolled by and we packed up our 20 pounds of shattered candy and went home.

Ben was in charge of pictures, so this is all we got:

Proof that we live in rural Georgia: The John Deer tractor and a golf cart are picture worthy.

In my Sunday morning haze I forgot a very important element of the parade. Nicole T. She was not only Queen of the parade, but she sacrificed her dignity to don dollar store antlers for her adoring public. The parade would not have been complete without Nicole and the Girl Scouts of float #9.


  1. OMG, my parents have a vacation house in rural Maryland. It's the same type of parade. There is livestock, tractors, fire trucks, and TONS and TONS of candy. It's insane. We collected 3 shopping bags full and ended up giving most of it away. I expected like an Old Orchard Beach Fourth of July parade. It's whoever shows up and so small, they actually loop around and march twice. :)

    I think it's rained the last two Maryland parades we attended.

  2. wow brandi, that stomach surgery is really working for you! you look great in the last couple of recent pictures! where do i sign up?

  3. You need to at least start taking some pictures of yourself so you will be able to compare them later. That parade sounds like it was crazy fun. You guys are too nice. I probably would have gotten in Mr. & Mrs. Dumbasses faces about the whole candy thing. How annoying. I didn't even know Grovetown had a parade. You have the perfect location.

  4. So, since you live near the Dumbasses, were they the ones who put the dogs in your yard? Luckily, their relatives, the (insert the word) live down the street, and not across the street from us. Wonder what their reunions are like?
    emily g

  5. Brandi,

    I just want you to know how hurt I am that you didn't mention seeing me in all my "dollar-store-reindeer-antler-wearing-carbon-monoxide-inhaling-girl-scout-mommy-glory" perched on float #9. I totally rocked the whole parade...sheesh:)

    I'm with Sarah, I would have kicked Mother Dumbasses snow if I hadn't been so busy with my parade duties. It's tough being this important.

  6. LOL! That family sounds really nice! **Sarcastic snort** I swear some people act like they are going to die if they don't have MORE and MORE cheap candy. It totally cracks me up. I wonder if they plan on eating the candy for dinner and need enough to feed everyone....seriously, WHAT'S THE DEAL!
    We had a ton of kids on our end of the parade, and sadly I didn't realize the guy was throwing dollars until the one that landed in front of my feet was already snatched up. GREAT, there goes my dollar menu item at McDonalds! But really, I'm glad Ben got some memorable pictures, at least he got what he wanted to remember. To bad he didn't get any of the Dumbasses fighting over cheap candy and necklaces! That would have been awesome!

  7. Ahhhh, SOOOO much better! The Queen is pleased.

    I am dying laughing that you have this shot, and I am beyond thrilled that this was as close as you got.

    Unfortunately, the Johnsons also saw me and Jay quickly brandished his camera too. I may need your photoshopping skills in the very near future.

  8. It's sheer dumb luck that we have this picture. The lens was stuck and Will was trying to un-stick it and accidentally snapped this picture. We didn't even know you were on the float when this was taken.


Be nice or I'll punch you in the taco.