I'm not apologizing. Or paying you.

So, some state lawmakers here in Georgia, along with the NAACP, are trying to pass a resolution that would make the state apologize for slavery.

Some of these same lawmakers, and again, the NAACP, have also been pushing for reparations for slavery for years.

Yes--slavery was horrible. But it ended in the U.S. nearly 150 years ago. There are no former slaves nor former slave owners still alive. There have not been for at least a generation.

I don't feel that I or the current government needs to apologize for this. We didn't commit any wrongdoing. Our country--our ancestors--had a civil war and as a result ended slavery (after the deaths of many, many white men who were fighting for the cause). *

And to those who feel an apology is owed them--I ask why? You were not a slave. Your parents were not slaves. Your grandparents were not slaves. And it's very likely that your great grandparents were not slaves. What entitles you to an apology?

As for reparations, are you kidding me? It's so ridiculous I can't even come up with something to say about it.

If these resolutions pass, then I'm going to start my own movement. I think all women need an apology from the government and reparations. Women were essentially viewed as property for hundreds of years. We were oppressed. We were denied rights. Heck, blacks were given the right to vote long before women.

And while we're at it, I want an apology and reparations from the 1970s for subjecting me to The Village People and causing me to dress like this:



Now let the "You're a racist!" e-mails begin.


*I'm aware that the civil war didn't start over slavery. But slavery quickly became an issue in the war, and many men volunteered to fight based on that principle alone. Look, I've read Little Women about 200 times. I'm an expert, O.K.?