Tuesday, March 17, 2009

And on the eighth day, God created Rainbow Cleaning Systems.

Now the Rainbow Salesman was more subtle than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said Ye shall not make use of every cleaning device of the garden?

And the woman said unto the Rainbow Salesman, We may make use of the cleaning devices of the garden:

But of the Rainbow Cleaning System which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not make use of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye spend money unwisely.

And the Rainbow Salesman said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely spend money unwisely:

For God doth know that in the day ye make use thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing clean from unclean.

And when the woman saw that the Rainbow Cleaning System was good for cleaning, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a cleaning device to be desired to make one's floor and air truly clean, she purchased the Rainbow Cleaning System thereof, and did clean, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did clean.

And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that their floors were dirty; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves area rugs.

And they heard the voice of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day: and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God amongst the trees of the garden.

And the Lord God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where art thou?

And Adam said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because my floor was dirty; and I hid myself.

And He said, Who told thee that thou hast dirty floors? Hast thou purchased of the Rainbow Cleaning System, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not purchase?

And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the Rainbow Cleaning System, and I did clean.

And the Lord God said unto the woman, What is this that thou hast done? And the woman said, The Rainbow Salesman beguiled me, and I did purchase.

And the Lord God said unto the Rainbow Salesman, Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life:

And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy sales pitch and her checkbook; I shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel.

Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy mess; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children with muddy shoes; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast purchased of the Rainbow Cleaning System, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not purchase it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in filthiness shalt thou live of it all the days of thy life;

In the sweat of thy face shalt thou use regular vacuums, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return via water filtration.

And this, my friends, is why Rainbow Salesmen are not allwed to pitch to the wife without the husband present.


  1. Brandi, you crack me up. Is it really true that you AND your spouse have to be present for a demonstration?

  2. It's true--ask Stephanie Pyne. She's a serpent...errr...sales person. :)

  3. Hey now! I see a few flaws with your "story"! First of all, They were hiding themselves because their house was CLEAN!:) Besides the "fall" had to happen so that Adam and Eve could know joy and sorrow and have wonderful children, etc. Joy in having a rainbow and sorrow for not, and when having our wonderful children we can truly keep our house clean!:)
    Whatever way you want to look at it, but Brandi you are too much...you crack me up.

    And Yes, both husband and wife need to be present for a qualified demonstration...for a few reasons. First of all it's a decision that they should make together and best of all, the husbands LOVE it. Most husbands I know that own one love to use them and see the results of their labor. It's hilarious!

  4. Brandi, you are crazy. That's all I can say.

  5. does this count as my scripture study?

  6. i was waiting for this one, it came out better than i imagined...

    you need to print this out for Thursday and present it to Greg or whatever that serpent's name is...

  7. I have a friend who is a copyright attorney. I'm serious in saying you should get in touch with her. This is fantastic.

  8. Brandi,
    I do believe you have a debate on your hands… Lets turn to the scriptures. Doctrine and Covenents Section 88 Verse 119.
    And I quote:
    "Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing; and establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God;"

    A house of order defined by President Gordon B. Hinckley in the March 2005 New Era states and I quote;
    "The house was clean, our spirits renewed." Notice President Hinckley said that cleaning the house renewed his spirit and attitude.

    And we all know by cleaning with a "Rainbow Cleaning System" we have the cleanest air possible in this life.
    Continuing the New Era Article March 2005 by our Prophet.
    "Of great importance, of course, is keeping a house clean and taking care of the physical needs of the family members. Men, women, and children alike have their individual contributions to make to good home and family life, and each shares in its benefits. Housekeeping involves the work of keeping a house clean, orderly, and well managed."

    Again, we all know that the "Rainbow Cleaning System" is easy for kids to use and does the job the most efficient way on the face of the earth.
    So, I ask you a question. How clean do you want your house when the prophet stops by, or the Lord himself? My guess is you would want a “Rainbow Cleaning System.” Be clean in thoughts and actions. Boy I am loving this “Rainbow Cleaning System.”
    Boy I am sure happy I have my wonderful “Rainbow Cleaning System” which I did not go into debt for, but I have one of the cleanest houses on the block. Clean floors, clean air. The Spirit can really abide in my clean house. I bet you are super sad you do not have one. But no worries I can TOTALLY hook you up!!!

    Aren’t you so happy we have the Second Article of Faith?
    "We Believe man will be punished for their own sins and not for Adam's Transgrastion"?

    I am.

    I sure love my Rainbow Cleaning System.

  9. check. Scripture Study.
    next on the list... vacuuming!!! Without a rainbow. :(

  10. tina

    you did too go into debt for your rainbow, you owe the company 2000 dollars unless you sell a couple of them, and so far you haven't.

    if a scripture debate is on the way, i'm ready with quotes on debt and get rich quick scheme quotes. there are way more quotes on debt than there are on a clean house!!! check every general conference for the last 20 years...

  11. we just have way too much fun debating, i can just hear me and tina raising out voices higher and higher!

  12. Sylwia,
    We sold one last night. Stephanie has sold three. And I am not in Debt until my 90days is over. And rest assured after my 90 days it will be paid off. (I have that money in saving. Just trying to earn it for free.)

    I am not debating going into debt. I myself would not do that....

  13. Tina,

    In response to your original comment, if Christ or the prophet dropped by, I think they'd find my house to be adequately clean. And then they'd praise me for opting to stay at home with my FAMILY rather than go to work just to buy a Rainbow.


    And remember, the loudest one wins the argument!! Sylwia and I automatically win because we can't hear you and Stephanie over the drone of your rain mates.

  14. the prophet can come and drop into my messy filthy house, and then he can ask my sons any doctrinal or scriptural question, and then i will gloat that my 10 and 8 year olds know more about the gospel than most adults...

    maybe he will call samuel to the quorum of the 12 at age 10...

  15. It's okay I can breath and live in my super clean house... I can feel the Spirit and invite it into my home.

    It's true I am working a part time job to earn my Rainbow. I am not leaving my kids with some stranger to raise them. I am leaving them with their loving father. Who welcomes the opportunity to spend more time with his Children.

    Wow a win-win-win situation I get a super clean house and the opportunity to do something for me and maybe earn a little play money on the side, while my husband gets to spend quality time with our children.

    Yeah that sounds like a horrible thing to me.

    Okay Yelling at the top of my lungs now. Can you hear me???

  16. Yes Brandi, I think they'd find your house to be adequately clean, just as they would find that Sylwia's boys are well versed in the scriptures. Not debating that. However, to each his own on how they like to function. For me the pros of not suffering from allergies far outweighs the cons! I am extremely allergic to the contents of vacuum bags (making a totally NASTY face right now), not to mention dust and who knows what else. I'm so happy that I not only have the rainbow in my house to help me and my family with that, but also that I have the opportunity to work for it and get it for free so that I don't have to go into debt. The first time I bought it 10 years ago, I went into debt and still to this day say it was the best investment I've ever made. But now that I decided to upgrade to the new model that runs 24/7 my allergies are non-existent in my house. Now other houses, that's a different story!

  17. You know that strangers reading this are going to think we're really fighting.

  18. No we are not fighting. Just lots of fun....

    Didn't you like my response? pretty cleaver hu??? I laughed and laughed as I typed it.

    Okay I guess I just crack myself up. I thought it was funny...

    You can always count on us to be on opposite sides... wink wink!!!

  19. I agree. So hopefully everyone knows that is all in good fun! We love to "debate" things, but we are all super good friends.
    We ARE


  20. Everyone I know must read this! It's too funny.

  21. That was awesome. I so needed to laugh out loud.

    Brandi, your house is always fabulous...at least after 6:30pm, right? You totally don't need a Rainbow. Don't let them break you down!

    Will...I'm trusting you.

  22. in case people are wondering, this is how the fat frumpy five communicate. that's what we did all weekend at the cottage. but we all still love each other "with all our hearts!!!"


Be nice or I'll punch you in the taco.