Thursday, March 5, 2009

Thursday: Now with 30% More Randomness!

1. I'm thinking about dying my hair red. Like, very red. Like, Carrot-Top-ish red. O.K., maybe a little more brown than Carrot Top, but definitely a coppery auburn.
Should I? (Don't worry--I'd have a professional do it if I decide to).

Kind of like this.

2. I'm anti-nudity when it comes to myself. I'm not down with going au naturel in the locker room at the Y. So, I always choose a locker far in the back corner, and I get dressed with a towel wrapped around me after I swim. Today I accidentally dropped the towel and was frantically trying to pick it up to cover myself. One of the old, naked, Asian ladies hanging out (literally) on the bench starts laughing and says to me (in her thick old Asian lady accent), "Why you cover up? We all have pussies." She's, like, 80!!

3. If you've ever wondered if there was really a difference between Spanx and Assets (besides $20), I will state for the record that there really is a difference. I own a pair of each in the same size. The Spanx are definitely worth double the money.

4. I'm so done straightening my hair. I'm wearing it curly, even if I look retarded.

5. Why are all my ads for divorce lawyers? What on earth did I write about?

6. This is Leilani Perkiboobs. She was a gift from Harmony so I can pretend I've been to Hawaii even though I haven't (yet).

When I came out to the van this morning, Ben and Liam were looking through the windshield, cracking up. This is what they were looking at:

Naughty, naughty Leilani. Harmony taught you that trick, didn't she?


  1. Oh, no! Leilani, what were you thinking! I'm laughing so hard I have tears streaming down my face! Thanks for a good laugh!

  2. I just want to say that I think red could look good on you. Your hair has some red to it anyway, right? My co-worker just got blonde highlights over her auburn and it looks great. Lightened up her hair completely. She went red/auburn last time.

    I just want to say that it's not an Asian thing to go all nekkid. I have totally perfected the changing without one inch of skin showing. I don't even like to wear V-necks. There are moments where there are exceptions. I won't be embarrassed if there are open showers because everybody is in the same boat and if they don't want to see me nekkid, they can turn around. (I only had to shower openly twice - on a church trip and camp... it's not like a frequent thing.)

    Wow, Leilani. Your boys are men now. :)

  3. If you're already wondering what you wrote about that generated the divorce lawyer ads, I think I'll be scared to peek at your ads tomorrow after this post that includes naked old Asian lady pussies. :)

    (I think I blushed just writing that.)

  4. Red is good (speaking as a red head), but it's really hard (expensive) to maintain. But, go for's only color. If you hate it, change it.

    I'm less aware of my kitty cat at the gym...than my saggy, size DD boobs.

    I have only owned Assets...and I was totally thinking "what's the big deal??". I'll have to stimulate the economy and buy some Spanx.

  5. i thought your hair was red already... what do i know?

    i'm naked in the locker rooms. i dont check anybody out, so i just assume no one is looking at me!

  6. My favorite part of this whole post is that you got Chrysta -- CHRYSTA! -- to type the word "pussies". I am dying laughing! I am SO telling her sisters...

  7. of course you, brandi, were checking those asian ladies out a few weeks ago, so no wonder you think people are looking at you!

  8. I wasn't checking anyone out. I don't like to be startled by surprise boobs, so I try to keep mine hidden as well.

    Now, Tina and Stephanie...they're another story. They sell Rainbows...

  9. That was an awesome post. I especially liked the extra randomness. I too am looking forward to seeing what you're ads will be tomorrow. Oh the suspense!

  10. You have a trampoline?? Wow.

    Growing up it was so natural to go in the buff around the locker room in the tennis club my family belonged. I thought it was really weird that they would go in the jacuzzi full monty. (How many different ways can we describe nekie?)

  11. Monique--

    How did you know we got a trampoline? We haven't put it together yet--it's still in its ginormous box in the back of our van because it's been raining all week.

    Seriously, I'm a little weirded out that you knew. How did you know?

  12. Red sound fun especially with the curly. Asian ladies have no shame. Your ads seem to be telling me to call for homeless abused children. They sell those now? Leilani doesn't seem to have the same modesty issues that you do. She must be one of those old Asian ladies from the Y. XD

  13. Don't worry, Nicole, I'm already thinking up ways to weave "naked old Asian lady pussies" into a game of Beyond Balderdash at the next FamilyFest. Oh, Chrysta, I only hope I don't have to wait until next Christmas. Thank you, Brandi! You crack me up.

  14. Since I'm viewing your blog from overseas, the ads I see are evidently different from those folks see in the States. Right now, the following three appear:

    --Social Worker Jobs in the UK
    --Human Rights (awareness of indigenous cultures and traditional knowledge)
    --Looking For Gay Singles?

    Yeah, I don't think I'll be clicking on all of those, sorry.

  15. Brenda,

    You definitely hit a "gay" search term...

    My ad just said "Is your husband gay?" LOL

  16. Thanks for some great laughs today! Between Leilani and the old lady comment, I've got some good ammo for the weekend!

  17. Dammit Lelani!

    I TOLD you that weren't that relaxed on the mainland. Yeah, I know Brandi seems cool and all, but she doesn't even get naked in the locker room.

    Come Lelani, keep it together girl.

  18. Oh and I owe you my firstborn for introducing me to Spanx. They squeezed me into a pair of pants i haven't worn since....well, a loooong time agao. I will never diet AGAIN!

  19. Leilani just needed some air, it get hot and steamy in the car...give her a break.

    College locker room + OLD naked Woman = ruined for life.

    A visual image I will never forget, I'm sure the old lady is dead by now, but seriously was not prepared for gray, wrinkles, and naked.

  20. At my gym there is this woman who TOTALLY has had a boob job who goes around naked for as long as she can, I swear! I think she's just trying to rub them in our faces (har har hardy har har) because the rest of us have boobs that like to look at the floor.

    Are you going to be like that after your boob job? LOL!


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