Saturday, February 28, 2009

Revenge is a dish best served cold. By a one armed retarded girl.

So Lawrence of Arabia was at the pool again this morning. He was in his lane, I was in mine three lanes away.

Also in the pool, in the lane next to Omar, was a mentally challenged girl who only has one arm. She's there every Saturday. She totally kicks my butt. She can swim three laps to my one. She's queen of the Special Olympics swim team. And did I mention she only has one arm? Anyway, she's prone to, umm... outbursts...while she swims. Big, huge, profanity laced outbursts.

So, Osama was swimming his laps, not causing any trouble, and all of a sudden I hear the girl start yelling, "Hey fatty! Swim faster!" I look up because I just assume she's talking to me.

She wasn't. She was totally yelling at Saddam. For 20 minutes this went on. "Hey tub o lard, why's your back so hairy?" "Did you eat my arm for breakfast?" "Fatty boombalatty, faaaaaaatty boombalatty!" "You need a bra, you have big knockers like my mom." "Did you lose your d**k in an accident, or is it just really small?"

On and on.

He finally got out, yelling what were probably profanities in his native tongue, and left.

I LOVE that one armed girl.

(The TV review will be later tonight. And I'm having a skinny day--43 pounds lost--so here's a picture.)


  1. Okay Brandi, seriously. This seriously happened? How is it that you happen to witness things like this? I mean, I couldn't even imagine this stuff to be funnier. I really need to get over the the Y on Wheeler. It sounds like a pretty happening place. By the way, you look great.

  2. Come on any Saturday and you can witness a profanity laced outburst by one armed girl. Every Saturday between 8 and 9. Today just happened to to be Omar's turn. It might be mine next Saturday.

  3. Every time I read your blog I think, "That is the funniest thing I've read all year." And somehow, each post, you manage to top it.

  4. Mel and I just got finished laughing out loud hysterically at your story. My ribs haven't hurt all day, and now they are in mucho pain from laughing so hard.

    Even if you do end up getting yelled at by her, it'll be worth it because Omar got it first. And you witnessed it.

  5. Seriously, this is the funniest thing ever. I thought the title of your post was from a movie or something.

    I need to join the Y. Or maybe just YOUR Y.

    (oh, and I totally had a math mistake on my last comment. It kept me up last night. I am super weird)

  6. Okay, that's is downright hysterical.

    And, I'm sorry..did you say 143 pounds lost??

  7. One-armed crazy girl is AWESOME!

    You look great Brandi. Seriously.

  8. shows him right... if I believed in Karma, this would be the best example. :) I think I need a picture...

  9. I can not quit laughing. Revenge is is so sweet and you didn't even had to dish it out.

  10. SDL--I meant 43 pounds lost. I WISH it was 143.

  11. Cheyenne and I were both thrilled to hear that Lawrence got his comeuppance...and that it came in the form that it did. Things like that never happen to me.

  12. First of all you look AMAZING!! WOW!!! And that one armed girl is my new bestfriend. =]

  13. You look fantastic! And what perfect revenge!

  14. Wow! Love the karma in that! Go one armed girl.

    So on my kids' swim team, there's a little person. And doode, she kicks ass. A

    nd on another team we compete with, little girl has no arms. you heard me! No arms. She's like a farking dolphin and just as fast and takes off her goggles with her feet.

    Then there's the deaf girl...

    You get my point. Swimming is just awesome because these kids can compete with or without appendages.

    It's very inspirational. Role models.

    Now your one arm girl, however kharmic, seems a tad bit un-role model-ly?! Just a bit. But she makes up for it with her rage at Filthy pimp guy.


Be nice or I'll punch you in the taco.